 | Home > Off Topic > Joke of the day ... (beat this) |
 
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| willy eckerslike Member Since: 15 Jun 2009 Location: North yorks Posts: 1789   
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What rhymes with Christopher Maloney?
If I ever meet you I'm going to punch you in your f  g face. Original Member Pie n Pea Club.
110 HCPU Tipper |
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24th Nov 2012 9:43pm |
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| Killer90 Site Sponsor Member Since: 09 Oct 2011 Location: Hertfordshire Posts: 6478 
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  CSK Automotive
www.cskautomotive.co.uk Like us on Facebook - www.facebook.com/csklr Follow us on Instagram - @cskautomotive |
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24th Nov 2012 9:56pm |
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| TooTall Member Since: 10 Jul 2012 Location: Fens Posts: 504 
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Yesterday I took a train ride carrying an apple tart to Downham Market, Ely & Peterborough; all because I recalled my maths tutor telling me to always carry pie to three dismal places . . .
 "Ease your worries, Clear-up your woes,
Go into your garage & put stuff into rows." |
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27th Nov 2012 12:11am |
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| JWL Member Since: 26 Oct 2011 Location: Hereford Posts: 3443  
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David Cameron was overheard to say that he was delighted that Obama had been re-elected and he would be looking forward to working with the American President for the next 4 years, sorry but I make it 2 years!
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27th Nov 2012 12:27am |
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| warren Member Since: 14 Oct 2009 Location: East Lancs. Posts: 903 
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Jess won a dictionary in a raffle this afternoon (was 3rd prize...! 2nd was bath salts and 1st was a free meal at a not very nice local pub!) All for charity, so not all bad...
Anyway, spotted her leafing through it, in the same way everyone seems to do with a dictionary before it's put in a drawer never to be seen again. 'Do you know they've taken gullible out of the dictionary Jess?' She looks up, 'really? Why would they do that?!' Then flicks through... 'no they haven't' |
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3rd Dec 2012 1:24am |
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| Landlord Member Since: 27 Oct 2009 Location: Hampshire Posts: 582 
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Depressed
Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel , "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land." Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land." Today, Congress has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land! I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc .... I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English. I was connected to a call centre in Pakistan ..I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck...... Folks, we're screwed. 2007 TD5 90 Hard Top |
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3rd Dec 2012 10:20pm |
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| RFT Member Since: 13 Nov 2010 Location: Cheshire Posts: 680 
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Mate of mine went to the farmer's market at Llandovery, got loads of vegetables and some beef, also picked up some daffodil bulbs, his wife put a stew in the slow cooker yesterday but used the bulbs instead of onions.
They are both in hospital in Carmarthen at the moment, doctor is quite concerned and keeping them in ITU but is sure they will be out by Spring. 130 Puma HCPU with an Artica 240LR Demountable Camper |
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3rd Dec 2012 11:07pm |
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| GREENI Member Since: 22 Aug 2010 Location: staffs Posts: 10383
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8th Dec 2012 8:51pm |
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| party monkey Member Since: 31 Dec 2010 Location: Oxon. Posts: 1311 
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Clearing out my spam folder and found the email offering me a course on how to improve my cold calling skills
Jon - 110 td5 [sold]. Currently Defenderless. |
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10th Dec 2012 10:00am |
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| ZeDefender Member Since: 15 Sep 2011 Location: Munich Posts: 4731  
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Santa was having a really bad day - the weather was awful, the elves were on strike and the reindeer had all rolled in their own sh*t.
Just then, a fairy walked in dragging a Christmas tree. Santa scowled at her and asked her what she wanted. "Where would you like me to stick the tree?" she asked. ... and that's why there's a fairy up there. Tell someone you love them today because life is short. But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing... |
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10th Dec 2012 12:31pm |
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| Nickwill Member Since: 19 Oct 2012 Location: Cornwall Posts: 22  
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Over the last month I have become a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into The Co-op supermarket for a bit of shopping turned out to be quite an experience.
Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking voluptuous 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen, their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead ask you for a lift to another supermarket, in my case, Tesco's. You agree and they both get in the back seat. On the way, they start undressing, until both are completely naked. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, kissing you, and thrusting herself against you, while the other one steals your wallet! I had my wallet stolen October 4th, 9th,10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. On November 1st, 4th, 8th, 13th, 18th, 20th and 23rd and twice yesterday. So please warn all the older men you know to be on the lookout for this scam. The best times seem to be just before lunch and about 4:30 in the afternoon. P.S. Aldi have cheap wallets on sale for £1.99 each but Lidl wallets are £1.75 and look better |
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10th Dec 2012 1:52pm |
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| Killer90 Site Sponsor Member Since: 09 Oct 2011 Location: Hertfordshire Posts: 6478
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Nickwill -->
CSK Automotive
www.cskautomotive.co.uk Like us on Facebook - www.facebook.com/csklr Follow us on Instagram - @cskautomotive |
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10th Dec 2012 6:35pm |
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| custom90 Member Since: 21 Jan 2010 Location: South West, England. Posts: 20444
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Dunno what your laughing about they'd be to old for you.  No Guts, No Glory.
🇬🇧ðŸ´ó §ó ¢ó ¥ó ®ó §ó ¿ðŸ´ó §ó ¢ó ·ó ¬ó ³ó ¿ðŸ´ó §ó ¢ó ³ó £ó ´ó ¿ðŸ‡®ðŸ‡ªðŸ‡ºðŸ‡¸â›½ï¸ðŸ›¢ï¸âš™ï¸ðŸ§°ðŸ’ª |
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10th Dec 2012 6:39pm |
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| GUM97 Member Since: 05 Feb 2012 Location: Cheshire Posts: 3555 
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Nice one Steve !  An engine to TDi for!
"Land Rover- Proudly turning drivers into mechanics since 1948" |
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10th Dec 2012 7:24pm |
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