 | Home > Off Topic > Joke of the day ... (beat this) |
 
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| GREENI Member Since: 22 Aug 2010 Location: staffs Posts: 10382  
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Kim Jong Il dead...
I can't bereave it ! |
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19th Dec 2011 8:49am |
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| ZeDefender Member Since: 15 Sep 2011 Location: Munich Posts: 4731  
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In the style of Benny Hill  Tell someone you love them today because life is short.
But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing... |
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19th Dec 2011 8:52am |
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| JSG Member Since: 12 Jul 2007 Location: Berkshire Posts: 2412 
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"Spare a thought for Michael O'Leary, Chief Executive of 'Ryanair'.
Arriving in a hotel in Dublin, he went to the bar and asked for a pint of draught Guinness. The barman nodded and said, "That will be one Euro please, Mr. O'Leary." Somewhat taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money. "Well, we try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "And we are serving free pints every Wednesday evening from 6 until 8. We have the cheapest beer in Ireland" "That is remarkable value" Michael comments "I see you don't seem to have a glass, so you'll probably need one of ours. That will be 3 euro please." O'Leary scowled, but paid up. He took his drink and walked towards a seat. "Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra 2 euro. - You could have pre-booked the seat, and it would have only cost you a Euro." "I think you may to be too big for the seat sir, can I ask you to sit in this frame please" Michael attempts to sit down but the frame is too small and when he can't squeeze in he complains "Nobody would fit in that little frame". "I'm afraid if you can't fit in the frame you'll have to pay an extra surcharge of 4.00 euro for your seat sir" O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up. "I see that you have brought your laptop with you" added the barman. "And since that wasn't pre-booked either, that will be another 3 euro." O'Leary was so annoyed that he walked back to the bar, slammed his drink on the counter, and yelled, "This is ridiculous, I want to speak to the manager". "Ah, I see you want to use the counter," says the barman, "that will be 2 euro please." O'Leary's face was red with rage. "Do you know who I am?" "Of course I do Mr. O'Leary," "I've had enough, What sort of Hotel is this? I come in for a quiet drink and you treat me like this. I insist on speaking to a manager!" "Here is his E mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9 and 9.10 every morning, Monday to Tuesday at this free phone number. Calls are free, until they are answered, then there is a talking charge of only 10 cent per second" "I will never use this bar again" "OK sir, but remember, we are the only hotel in Ireland selling pints for one Euro". John http://www.hampshire4x4response.co.uk 2011 Tdci 110 CSW XS |
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19th Dec 2011 12:25pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4663 
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Justice at last
1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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19th Dec 2011 7:32pm |
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| bpman Member Since: 21 May 2008 Location: Oslo Posts: 8069 
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A friend of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he said he could stop any time..... I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it... I thought these blokes must have lost the plot!! I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance. Not being one to disappoint I pushed the old dear over. A new Middle East crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the channel said....'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.' My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! That's outrageous, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web. Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy. I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. "Morning." I said.........."No" he replied, "just having a sh*t." My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something waterproof and shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’ I bought her bathroom scales. Went around to a friends house today. His wife was sat there with their newborn baby. She asked if i'd like to wind it.... I thought that was a bit harsh so i gave it a dead leg instead. Saw my mate outside the Doctor's today looking really worried. "What's the matter?" I asked. "I've got the big C,"he said. "What, cancer?".......... "No, dyslexia." I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move. I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds love it! The Prime Minister, David Cameron, has announced that he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits. From next week, all the forms will be printed in English. Husband says to wife ‘My Olympic condoms have arrived - I think I’ll wear gold tonight’. Wife says, ‘Why don’t you wear silver and come second for a change’. I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’. |
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22nd Dec 2011 5:56pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4663
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Some really good stuff there,unlike these....
Q.How do you get rid of pubic hair? A.Cough,cough,cough ............................. Q. How many legs does a bird have? A. Two' Q. How many times can a bee sting before it dies? A. Once. Q. How many ribs does a cat have? A. Don't know? So you know all about the birds and the bees but you know nothing about pussies. 1982 88" 2.25 diesel 1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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22nd Dec 2011 6:42pm |
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| ZeDefender Member Since: 15 Sep 2011 Location: Munich Posts: 4731
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All brilliant
Tell someone you love them today because life is short.
But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing... |
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22nd Dec 2011 7:29pm |
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| bm52 Member Since: 04 Apr 2010 Location: Kent Posts: 2189 
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Kim Jong Il dead.......
Well, that's his Korea over........ BM52 |
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22nd Dec 2011 9:10pm |
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| Small Clanger Member Since: 22 Jun 2011 Location: UK Posts: 210
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I see on the news tonight that there's a big fire at a toilet paper factory in Lancashire. It must be arson.
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22nd Dec 2011 9:16pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4663
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Definately someone "arson" about 1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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22nd Dec 2011 9:17pm |
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| ZeDefender Member Since: 15 Sep 2011 Location: Munich Posts: 4731
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Hope the police get to the bottom of it... Tell someone you love them today because life is short. But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing... |
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22nd Dec 2011 9:32pm |
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| JWL Member Since: 26 Oct 2011 Location: Hereford Posts: 3443  
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It's a shame really because they haven't got anything to go on and there's no way they can clean the mess up. |
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22nd Dec 2011 10:33pm |
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| ZeDefender Member Since: 15 Sep 2011 Location: Munich Posts: 4731
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Tell someone you love them today because life is short.
But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing... |
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23rd Dec 2011 7:38am |
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| JSG Member Since: 12 Jul 2007 Location: Berkshire Posts: 2412
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The job won't be finished until the paperwork is done
 John
http://www.hampshire4x4response.co.uk 2011 Tdci 110 CSW XS |
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23rd Dec 2011 8:22am |
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