 | Home > Off Topic > Joke of the day ... (beat this) |
 
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| Procta Member Since: 03 Dec 2016 Location: Sunderland Posts: 5175  
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Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.
“I want to go home,” says the first friend. The genie grants her wish. “I want to go home, too,” says the second friend. And the genie sends her back home. “I’m lonely,” says the third friend. “I sure wish my friends were back here.” Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it! |
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27th Jan 2020 12:41am |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4667 
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Question: How do you get rid of pubic hair?
Answer: Spit, Spit, Spit….. 1982 88" 2.25 diesel 1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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31st Jan 2020 3:34pm |
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| ericvv Member Since: 02 Jun 2011 Location: Near the Jet d'Eau Posts: 5816  
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One for this bright ‘n sunny Friday 31-01-2020
Nigel Farage goes into his pub and asks for a pint. The barman draws it & throws it into his face. “Why did you do that?” Nigel asks. “'You asked for a pint,” the barman says. “But you didn't say how you wanted it delivered.” Farage replies: “Okay, I’ll have a pint in a pint glass” “No. You can't ask again.,” the barman says. “Why not?” Farage asks. “Democracy,” the barman replies.  You never actually own a Defender. You merely look after it for the next generation.
http://youtu.be/yVRlSsJwD0o https://youtu.be/vmPr3oTHndg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GtzTT9Pdl0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABqKPz28e6A https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLZ49Jce_n0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvAsz_ilQYU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8tMHiX9lSw https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dxwjPuHIV7I https://vimeo.com/201482507 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSixqL0iyHw |
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31st Jan 2020 4:43pm |
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| Adammacky Member Since: 28 Dec 2019 Location: West Midlands Posts: 309
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Being a chef i have a few food related jokes that us dirty minded lot would like to share...
Why did the baker have smelly hands...? ... because he 'kneaded' a pooh! 
Whats the difference between a chickpea and a kidney bean...? ... I've never had a kidney bean on my face!
Whats the difference between peanut butter and jam...? ... i cant peanut butter my c**k up a girls arse! 
Appreciate they may not be to everyones taste but i think they are hilarious  |
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31st Jan 2020 6:43pm |
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| ericvv Member Since: 02 Jun 2011 Location: Near the Jet d'Eau Posts: 5816
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Here’s another one for all you Brexiteers. The new EU flag as of 23.00 hrs GMT today.
Eric Click image to enlarge You never actually own a Defender. You merely look after it for the next generation. http://youtu.be/yVRlSsJwD0o https://youtu.be/vmPr3oTHndg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GtzTT9Pdl0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABqKPz28e6A https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLZ49Jce_n0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvAsz_ilQYU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8tMHiX9lSw https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dxwjPuHIV7I https://vimeo.com/201482507 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSixqL0iyHw |
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31st Jan 2020 7:14pm |
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| ericvv Member Since: 02 Jun 2011 Location: Near the Jet d'Eau Posts: 5816
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And obviously, you already have new friends in us Swiss.
Eric You never actually own a Defender. You merely look after it for the next generation. http://youtu.be/yVRlSsJwD0o https://youtu.be/vmPr3oTHndg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GtzTT9Pdl0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABqKPz28e6A https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLZ49Jce_n0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvAsz_ilQYU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8tMHiX9lSw https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dxwjPuHIV7I https://vimeo.com/201482507 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSixqL0iyHw |
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31st Jan 2020 7:19pm |
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| Procta Member Since: 03 Dec 2016 Location: Sunderland Posts: 5175
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just a few sunderland words you lads to learn that are half way down the country
Dinnit or divvent (for do not or don't), as in "dinnit dee that". Wee or whee for who: as in "Whee said that?" ("Who said that?") Whey or wey for why: "Whey nar!" ("Why no!") Tee for to in some constructions: "Where yae gawn tee?" ("Where are you going to?") Wu or wa for we: "Wu knew wu'd win" ("We knew we'd win"). Is or es for me: "Tell es what ya think" ("Tell me what you think") Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it! |
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4th Feb 2020 5:25pm |
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| Procta Member Since: 03 Dec 2016 Location: Sunderland Posts: 5175
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a riddle for you lot
Two fathers and two sons go fishing together in the same boat. They all catch a fish but the total catch for the day is three fish. How is this possible? Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it! |
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12th Feb 2020 11:38pm |
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| blackwolf Member Since: 03 Nov 2009 Location: South West England Posts: 17391 
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Grandfather, father, and son. Simple.
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12th Feb 2020 11:44pm |
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| Procta Member Since: 03 Dec 2016 Location: Sunderland Posts: 5175
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It’s a little known fact that Switzerland still has National Service. If during a male’s service,he meets a girl,gets engaged and married during his 2 years service,the army pays for the entire wedding,church,reception etc.Once married,the lady is then his Swiss army wife. Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back
Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it! |
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20th Feb 2020 12:26am |
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| gilarion Member Since: 05 Dec 2013 Location: Wales Posts: 5110  
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Click image to enlarge For those who like Welsh Mountains and narrow boats have a look at my videos and photos at.. http://www.youtube.com/user/conwy1 |
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22nd Feb 2020 5:12pm |
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| williamthedog Member Since: 29 Dec 2012 Location: south wales Posts: 3441 
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^^ I like it.👍
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22nd Feb 2020 8:50pm |
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| Avelingporter Member Since: 25 Jan 2016 Location: Southampton Posts: 405 
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ITALIAN WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me..It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less.She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else. One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.' I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lord... And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family .' And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car. |
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23rd Feb 2020 8:15am |
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| Muddybigdog Member Since: 11 Apr 2014 Location: Suffolk Posts: 1018 
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2020 Holiday Snap
Click image to enlarge Jumped ship to reliability - Mitsubishi L200 Puma 90 XS - Sold D3 - 2.7 S x2 (both Sold) Freelander 2 HSE - Sold Freelander 1 - Sold Disco 2 - Sold |
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3rd Mar 2020 9:40am |
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