 | Home > Off Topic > Joke of the day ... (beat this) |
 
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897   
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I was going to start breeding gun dogs and wondered whether anyone would be able to give me a few pointers.
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10th Jan 2019 6:49pm |
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| v8steve Member Since: 18 Apr 2011 Location: dumfries scotland Posts: 195  
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take your coat laurie
 110 xs s/wagon
s3 swb soft top |
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10th Jan 2019 7:24pm |
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| Joe the Plumber Member Since: 18 Dec 2013 Location: Midlands Posts: 907 
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I've heard a German firm are about to launch a new marine supermarket chain in the UK specifically for users of narrow boats.
It's called... ... Canaldi. |
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11th Jan 2019 6:19am |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897
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So, technically, Moses was the first person to download data from the cloud to a tablet.
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21st Jan 2019 3:59pm |
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| Muddybigdog Member Since: 11 Apr 2014 Location: Suffolk Posts: 1019 
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Teresa May having a bad day Jumped ship to reliability - Mitsubishi L200
Puma 90 XS - Sold D3 - 2.7 S x2 (both Sold) Freelander 2 HSE - Sold Freelander 1 - Sold Disco 2 - Sold |
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21st Jan 2019 5:54pm |
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| Yulong Member Since: 18 Nov 2017 Location: Aberdeen Posts: 110
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26th Jan 2019 7:43pm |
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| Slideywindows Member Since: 09 Sep 2016 Location: North Essex Posts: 1283
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I didn't know she kept chickens.....
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26th Jan 2019 9:42pm |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897
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Joke.....
Hundreds of schools closed following two centimeters of snow. |
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1st Feb 2019 1:57pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4708 
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A new recruit to the French Foreign Legion was been shown around the encampment by an officer. At the back of the tents they came across a solitary camel sitting down.
"What's the camel for?" asks the new recruit. "Well" says the officer "there are over 200 men here with "urges and needs". When they need some relief they take it in turns to use the camel". A couple of days later the officer is doing the rounds and he sees the new recruit, trousers down around his ankles having his evil way with the camel. "What are you doing?" he roars. The new recruit looks up and says "You said that when the men have "urges and needs" they use the camel. Well I have some "urges and needs" today so I'm using the camel" The officer replies "When the men have "urges and needs" they ride the camel to the nearest town...…" 1982 88" 2.25 diesel 1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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8th Feb 2019 8:09pm |
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| Rashers Member Since: 21 Jun 2015 Location: Norfolk Posts: 3511 
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I managed to download a copy of that Queen film off the internet the other day - Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's not great quality. In fact I think it may be an illegal copy that has been recorded from within a cinema because whilst watching the film I see a little silhouetto of a man |
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8th Feb 2019 8:23pm |
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| Procta Member Since: 03 Dec 2016 Location: Sunderland Posts: 5188
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 Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back
Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it! |
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9th Feb 2019 3:22pm |
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| Swine&Small Member Since: 20 Mar 2017 Location: Norfolk Posts: 1223
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Before I get any anti semitic comments it is a JOKE.
4 Jewish ladies meet at their high school for their 30 year re-union One goes to get some food while the other 3 start to talk about how successful their sons became. No. 1 says her son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich, he gave his best friend a Ferrari. No. 2 said her son became a pilot, started his own airline became so rich, he gave his best friend a jet. No. 3 said her son became an engineer, started his own development company became so rich, he built his best friend a castle. No 4 came back with a plate full of food and asked what the buzz is about. They told her they were talking about how successful their sons became and asked her about her son. She said her son is gay and he works in a Gay Bar. The other three said she must be very disappointed with her son for not becoming successful. "Oh no !! " said the lady, he is doing good. "Last week on his birthday he got a Ferrari, a jet and a castle from three of his boyfriends..." . The other three fainted 1983 Series 3 Pick up in Marine Blue 1967 Morris Traveller 1966 Morris Convertible 2012 VW T5 Camper Quod Abundat Non Obstat. |
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9th Feb 2019 5:32pm |
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| Swine&Small Member Since: 20 Mar 2017 Location: Norfolk Posts: 1223
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Squirrel troubles at church.
There were four churches and a synagogue in a small town: a Presbyterian church, a Baptist church, a Methodist church, a Catholic church and a Jewish synagogue. Each church and the synagogue had a problem with squirrels. The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will. At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week. The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide. But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptised all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter. Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took one squirrel and circumcised him; they haven’t seen a squirrel since. 1983 Series 3 Pick up in Marine Blue 1967 Morris Traveller 1966 Morris Convertible 2012 VW T5 Camper Quod Abundat Non Obstat. |
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9th Feb 2019 5:34pm |
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| Swine&Small Member Since: 20 Mar 2017 Location: Norfolk Posts: 1223
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Last one !
A Scot in Glasgow phoned his son in London " bad new son, after 45 years your mother and me are getting divorced - we can´t stand each other any more " The son screamed at him " You can´t do this - it is crazy - wait - I´m phoning my sister in Leeds." He did and she phoned Glasgow screaming - " you can´t do this. Wait - I´m phoning my brother back. We will there by in a couple of days." Dad put the phone down . turned to his wife and said:- "they are both coming for Christmas, and they are paying their own fares." 1983 Series 3 Pick up in Marine Blue 1967 Morris Traveller 1966 Morris Convertible 2012 VW T5 Camper Quod Abundat Non Obstat. |
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9th Feb 2019 5:35pm |
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