 | Home > Off Topic > Joke of the day ... (beat this) |
 
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897   
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FACT: All castles have one major weakness - the enemy can get in through the gift shop.
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3rd Aug 2018 10:48am |
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| ian series 1 Member Since: 17 Nov 2014 Location: south Posts: 3127  
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 80" 80" 86" 88" 90"
Wanted, Forward Control Anything considered. |
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3rd Aug 2018 10:58am |
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| Rashers Member Since: 21 Jun 2015 Location: Norfolk Posts: 3497 
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4th Sep 2018 1:10pm |
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| Procta Member Since: 03 Dec 2016 Location: Sunderland Posts: 5163
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A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK. THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE." THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT. THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT. THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE." THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON. THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE." HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY. THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS. "I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO." Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it! |
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22nd Sep 2018 6:30pm |
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| RoadForce Member Since: 17 Jul 2014 Location: Holland Posts: 334  
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I know Defenders aren't the quiettest of vehicles, but there's no need for shouting. We're not (all) deaf... Defender 130 HCPU Td5 MY2000
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28th Sep 2018 4:53pm |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897
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I tried to get into a scifi convention the other day dressed as one of the Doctors.
I think the security realised I wasn't the real McCoy. |
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30th Sep 2018 11:27pm |
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| 300TDi CSW Phil Member Since: 03 Apr 2016 Location: Bracknell Posts: 750 
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I have just seen a scarecrow trying to masturbate. Poor thing was clutching at straws. 1995 300 Tdi Epsom Green - It's a keeper.
Wide Track Sankey- In bits- Gone to a new home M0XQS |
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4th Oct 2018 8:06pm |
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| Procta Member Since: 03 Dec 2016 Location: Sunderland Posts: 5163
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Click image to enlarge Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it! |
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5th Nov 2018 7:03pm |
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| Yulong Member Since: 18 Nov 2017 Location: Aberdeen Posts: 110
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Click image to enlarge |
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29th Nov 2018 9:50pm |
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| Procta Member Since: 03 Dec 2016 Location: Sunderland Posts: 5163
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 Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back
Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it! |
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29th Nov 2018 11:50pm |
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| Yulong Member Since: 18 Nov 2017 Location: Aberdeen Posts: 110
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A hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear. He carries his trusty 22-gauge rifle with him. After a while, he spots a very large bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone. A moment later, the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, “No one shoots at me and gets away with it. You have two choices: I can rip your throat out and eat you, or you can drop your trousers, bend over, and I’ll do you up the arse.” The hunter decides that anything is better than death, so he drops his trousers and bends over; and the bear does what he said he would do.
After the bear has left, the hunter pulls up his trousers and staggers back into town. He’s pretty mad. He buys a much larger gun and returns to the forest. He sees the same bear, aims, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone. A moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, “You know what to do.” Afterward, the hunter pulls up his trousers, crawls back into town, and buys a bazooka. Now he’s really mad. He returns to the forest, sees the bear, aims, and fires. The force of the bazooka blast knocks him flat on his back. When the smoke clears, the bear is standing over him and says, “You’re not doing this for the hunting, are you?” |
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2nd Dec 2018 3:27pm |
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| Procta Member Since: 03 Dec 2016 Location: Sunderland Posts: 5163
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Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back
Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it! |
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2nd Dec 2018 8:49pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4654 
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Michael and Seamus were out in the Defender when Michael noticed that he was running low on Fuel.
"Better get some fuel" he said. It was a Puma and he didn't want to run out and have to bleed it etc etc. As they were driving in to the pump Michael saw a sign that said "Fill up and enter a competition for free sex" So when he filled up and was paying for the fuel he asked about the competition for free sex. The owner said all he had to do was to guess a number between 1 and 10 and if his guess coincided with the lucky number of the day he would get the free sex. "6" said Michael. "No" said the owner "Todays number is 5. Better luck next time". So off went the two lads a little disappointed...as you would be. Couple of weeks later the two boys arrived at the same fuel station for another fill up for the Defender. As he was paying Michael asked the owner if the competition for free sex was still running. "Yes" said the owner "just guess the lucky number of the day." "2" said Michael. "Unfortunately today's number is 3" said the owner and off went the two lads. Driving out Seamus says to Michael "I think that competition is a con". "Oh no it is genuine enough" said Michael "My wife won twice last month 1982 88" 2.25 diesel 1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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31st Dec 2018 12:54pm |
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| bpman Member Since: 21 May 2008 Location: Oslo Posts: 8069 
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Cyber security tip: do not use “beef-stew” as your password in 2019, it’s not stroganoff
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1st Jan 2019 7:38am |
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