 | Home > Off Topic > Joke of the day ... (beat this) |
 
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| ZeDefender Member Since: 15 Sep 2011 Location: Munich Posts: 4731   
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Saw this in Cape Town a while back (you have to do the accent):
 Click image to enlarge Also this poster for a toy exhibition you would NEVER see in Munich: Click image to enlarge :whistle: Admin note: this post has had its images recovered from a money grabbing photo hosting site and reinstated  Tell someone you love them today because life is short.
But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing... |
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11th Jun 2012 8:17am |
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| Killer90 Site Sponsor Member Since: 09 Oct 2011 Location: Hertfordshire Posts: 6478  
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11th Jun 2012 4:27pm |
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| party monkey Member Since: 31 Dec 2010 Location: Oxon. Posts: 1311  
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England team visted an orphonage in the Ukraine yesterday. "It's sad to see their little faces filled with no hope" said Viktor aged 6
Edit : Just for the record.... I am a footy fan, Swindon Town FC all the way This joke just made me chuckle Jon - 110 td5 [sold]. Currently Defenderless. |
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13th Jun 2012 9:57am |
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| GREENI Member Since: 22 Aug 2010 Location: staffs Posts: 10383
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How can 2 women play Monopoly at the same time, when there is only one iron?
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13th Jun 2012 10:01am |
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| JWL Member Since: 26 Oct 2011 Location: Hereford Posts: 3443 
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I like that, I like that a lot  |
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13th Jun 2012 1:10pm |
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| Small Clanger Member Since: 22 Jun 2011 Location: UK Posts: 210
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One would have to be an old boot. |
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13th Jun 2012 5:55pm |
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| ZeDefender Member Since: 15 Sep 2011 Location: Munich Posts: 4731
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SHMBO made me delete the vampire joke
I'll get my own back: How do you make an Essex girl's eyes light up? Shine a torch in her ear... (wife is from Colchester ) Tell someone you love them today because life is short.
But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing... |
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13th Jun 2012 6:35pm |
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| bpman Member Since: 21 May 2008 Location: Oslo Posts: 8069 
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a lady rings the door bell and a little 2 year old answers ...
he naked except for a cowboy hat a bullet belt, he has a colt 45 in one hand and a large scotch in the other. the lady asks ... "are you mum or dad in ?" he replies "what do you think!!!" |
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14th Jun 2012 8:51pm |
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| ZeDefender Member Since: 15 Sep 2011 Location: Munich Posts: 4731
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What do you call a blonde Essex girl? It doesn't matter - she can't understand you anyway... Tell someone you love them today because life is short. But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing... |
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15th Jun 2012 5:48am |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4722 
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A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem.
I have two female parrots, But they only know to say one thing' 'What do they say?' the priest asked. They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?' 'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed, Then he thought for a moment..... 'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible... Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, And your parrots are sure to stop saying... That phrase... In no time.' 'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.' The next day, She brought her female parrots to the priest's house.... As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying... Impressed, She walked over and placed her parrots in with them... After a few minutes, The female parrots cried out in unison: Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?' There was stunned silence... One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and says, 'Put the beads away, Frank, Our prayers have been answered! 1982 88" 2.25 diesel 1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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4th Jul 2012 8:41pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4722
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An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery,
the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose. As the Arab had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out to all the states. Finally a Scot was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & US dollars. A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card & a jar of candies. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab this time did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab & asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money... But you only gave me a thank-you card & a jar of candies". To this the Arab replied: "Aye Laddie , but I now have Scottish blood running through my veins". 1982 88" 2.25 diesel 1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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16th Jul 2012 3:55pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4722
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A man lay back after consumating his marraige to his new, young, nubile Thai bride.He noticed that his Thai bride was staring at his "manhood" so he asked her why she was so interested in it. "I miss the one I used to have" came the reply.
1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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16th Jul 2012 3:59pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4722
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LESSON FOR TODAY
Sometimes, we try too hard to get to the greener grass. In the process, we end up in trouble... And when you find yourself in trouble, and you're stuck in a situation that you can't get out of, there is one thing you should always remember... Not everyone who shows up... Is there to help you!!!!
HAVE A GREAT DAY! Admin note: this post has had its images recovered from a money grabbing photo hosting site and reinstated 1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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16th Jul 2012 4:09pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4722
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From the American Association of Retired People
Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them? A: Try a bookstore under fiction. Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through the menopause? A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done you'll have aplace to live.. Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband? A: Tell him you're pregnant. Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles? A: Take off your glasses. Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking? A: Valets don't forget where they park your car. Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage? A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem. Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly? A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon. Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses? A: On their foreheads. Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores A: "Gosh, I remember these!" 1982 88" 2.25 diesel 1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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20th Jul 2012 4:10pm |
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