 | Home > Off Topic > Joke of the day ... (beat this) |
 
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| Venomator Member Since: 25 Aug 2014 Location: Peterborough Posts: 2087  
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Not quite there yet...
Riddle for seniors Today's riddle for seniors... Here is the situation: You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed On your right side is a sharp drop-off. On your left side is an elephant travelling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo. What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation? Scroll down . . . . . . . . . . Get off the merry-go-round and go home, you silly old  ! Rog...
The GREEN One... MY2016 Urban Truck Build Thread - http://www.defender2.net/forum/topic40548....al[/color] |
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18th Jan 2016 6:31pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4646 
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From the brochure LR 563 1990.
"Defender is designed with service in mind. Every Land Rover dealer is a specialist with factory trained technicians and a fully equipped service workshop. He will know your Defender back to front and can offer all the help and knowledgeable advice you could ask for. Plus the back up of Land Rover's parts and accessories worldwide." 1982 88" 2.25 diesel 1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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21st Jan 2016 11:01am |
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| Venomator Member Since: 25 Aug 2014 Location: Peterborough Posts: 2087
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 Rog...
The GREEN One... MY2016 Urban Truck Build Thread - http://www.defender2.net/forum/topic40548....al[/color] |
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26th Jan 2016 4:38pm |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897  
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28th Jan 2016 1:29am |
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| Silver Back Member Since: 11 Jun 2015 Location: Lincolnshire Posts: 405 
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 I want to know what you Googled to come across that page!
Hooray for Private Browsing. He should be made a Sergeant.  |
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28th Jan 2016 11:20am |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4646
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Santa Claus comes home from a busy night's work and Mrs Claus says to him
"Sit down and I'll empty your sack for you" 1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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29th Jan 2016 10:02pm |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897
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Admin note: this post has had its images recovered from a money grabbing photo hosting site and reinstated |
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1st Feb 2016 11:29am |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897
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5th Feb 2016 11:56am |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897
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Oops! duplicate
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5th Feb 2016 12:14pm |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897
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Memory test in the old folks' home.
The question asked is "What is 2 + 2?" Bert answered "Tuesday" Bill answered "39" Eric answered "4". "Well done Eric" said the tester - "how did you work it out?" " I just subtracted Tuesday from 39" |
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7th Feb 2016 11:36am |
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| Ryderoo Member Since: 28 Aug 2015 Location: South Oxfordshire Posts: 1666 
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Subject: Elton's & David's Baby
They had their sperm mixed together and a surrogate mother was artificially inseminated. When the baby was born Elton and David were ushered into a ward where a dozen babies were lying in their cots, eleven of them crying and screaming. In the corner, one baby was lying serenely. A nurse came over to both of them and indicated that the happy child was theirs. "Isn't it wonderful," Elton said to David. "All these crying babies and yet our baby is so content? This just proves the superiority of gay love! "The nurse said, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the dummy out of his arse." Cheers Simon I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you 1990 110 TD5 county, my first Land Rover - gone 2012 Discovery 4 XS SDV6 - gone 2014 Discovery 4 XS SDV6 - gone 2015 Evoque SD4 dynamic - Wife’s - gone 2015 Urban Truck 90 XS Santorini Black Hard Top - Reluctantly gone 2020 Discovery 5 Eiger Grey 3.0 SE - gone March 24 2021 Defender S D250 Santorini Black 110 HT - gone March 24 2023 Evoque P300e SE wife’s current vehicle |
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9th Feb 2016 6:30am |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897
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Life Before the Computer
* Memory was something you lost with age. * An application was for employment. * A program was a TV show. * A cursor used profanity. * A keyboard was a piano. * A web was a spider's home. * A virus was the flu. * A CD was a bank account. * A hard drive was a green lane trip. * A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. * And if you had a 3½ inch floppy ........ you just hoped nobody found out. |
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9th Feb 2016 11:50am |
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| JWL Member Since: 26 Oct 2011 Location: Hereford Posts: 3443 
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Just thought I'd be topical......
Bill walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged man standing at the counter enthusiastically writing addresses on bright pink envelopes covered with hearts. He then takes out a scent bottle and starts spraying perfume over them. Bill’s curiosity gets the better of him and he walks over to the man and asks him what he’s doing. “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine’s Day cards signed, ‘Guess who?’” says the man. “Why on earth are you doing that?” asks Bill. “Because I’m a divorce lawyer.” replies the man. |
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9th Feb 2016 1:50pm |
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| rossy Member Since: 29 Nov 2010 Location: Co. Roscommon Posts: 1296 
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Baby balloon always slept in mummy balloon and daddy balloon's bed.
One day daddy balloon decided the youngster was old enough to sleep in his own bedroom. However after giving it a week or so baby balloon felt lonely and scared so one night he crept back to his parents bed. It was a tight squeeze so he let a bit of air out of mummy, then daddy balloon then himself until things were perfectly comfortable. In the morning daddy was furious. "How dare you ! You've let me down, you've let mummy down and worst of all you've let yourself down ! " |
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9th Feb 2016 8:37pm |
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