 | Home > Off Topic > Joke of the day ... (beat this) |
 
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| ian series 1 Member Since: 17 Nov 2014 Location: south Posts: 3127   
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^^^^
 ^^^^ 80" 80" 86" 88" 90"
Wanted, Forward Control Anything considered. |
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15th Dec 2015 7:01pm |
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| Riccarton Member Since: 10 Aug 2015 Location: Gods' Own Country Posts: 280  
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@ Ryderoo -
Hence the saying "Wet behind the ears!"  |
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15th Dec 2015 7:06pm |
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| gilarion Member Since: 05 Dec 2013 Location: Wales Posts: 5109  
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 Click image to enlarge For those who like Welsh Mountains and narrow boats have a look at my videos and photos at.. http://www.youtube.com/user/conwy1 |
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17th Dec 2015 4:25pm |
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| Venomator Member Since: 25 Aug 2014 Location: Peterborough Posts: 2087
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Rog... 
The GREEN One... MY2016 Urban Truck Build Thread - http://www.defender2.net/forum/topic40548....al[/color] |
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21st Dec 2015 8:34pm |
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| JAY BOY Member Since: 04 May 2010 Location: Not here Posts: 1706
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Husband takes his wife out for the evening and they end up at a disco.
Theres a guy on the dance floor giving it some, break dancing, back flips, moon walk the full works. The wife turns to her husband as says, do you see the chap dancing, yes he replied. he proposed to me 25 years ago and i turned him down. Husband looks at his wife and says, I can see he's still celebrating  |
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21st Dec 2015 9:07pm |
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| JWL Member Since: 26 Oct 2011 Location: Hereford Posts: 3443  
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I allmost went for a take out for me and the boys but it seemed a little undercooked!
Click image to enlarge Back in the kitchens |
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21st Dec 2015 11:39pm |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897 
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Click image to enlarge |
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30th Dec 2015 2:44pm |
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| Rickydodah Member Since: 14 Jul 2014 Location: East Sussex Posts: 1091 |
I ended up with an older woman last night.
She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In Fact she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself think that she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a bit (well, more than a bit) we had a snuggle, and she asked me if I had ever had a "Sportsman's Double?". "What's that?" I asked "It's a mother and daughter threesome," She said "Oh!" I said as my mind began to embrace the idea. "No, I haven't." And I wondered what this daughter of hers might look like. We drank a bit more, then she says with a wink that tonight was "My lucky night." I went back to her place. We walked in, she turned on the hall light and shouted upstairs: "MOM! You still awake?!" I started with nothing and still have most of it left! |
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31st Dec 2015 10:50pm |
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| Venomator Member Since: 25 Aug 2014 Location: Peterborough Posts: 2087
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Plausible enough I suppose...
But I was not there so cannot comment on the originality, or otherwise...
12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on TV and Radio 1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator – 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.' 2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator – 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.' 3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator – 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria .. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!' 4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 – 'Ah, isn't that nice.. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew..' 5. US PGA Commentator – 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ........ Oh my god !! What have I just said??' 6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.' 7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard! 8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.' 9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. ' 10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.' 11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.' 12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.' Rog...
The GREEN One... MY2016 Urban Truck Build Thread - http://www.defender2.net/forum/topic40548....al[/color] |
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5th Jan 2016 10:45am |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897
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David was in his late 60s and widowed several years when he met a stunning 25-year old. She was everything he could wish for in a companion and, beyond that, they had fallen madly in love. The only problem was, when they had sex, he couldn't last the distance. Concerned that he was disappointing her, he went to see his doctor.
The doctor explained it was not uncommon. One way he might be able to gain better control was to, ummm, take matters in hand before having sex with his partner. That way, he would probably last longer. David thought it worth a try but had no idea where to do it. His office was out of the question, as was the staff toilet. There didn't seem to be an opportunity at the house beforehand, either. Finally, driving home, he had a brainwave. Pulling his four-wheel-drive off the side of the highway, he crawled underneath, as though inspecting it. Doing what the doctor advised, he closed his eyes and thought longingly of his new young partner. David was nearing the moment critique when he felt a tug on the leg of his jeans. Eyes still clenched, he exclaimed, 'What?' A voice replied, 'This is the Police. What the hell do you think you're doing?' 'I'm just checking the universal joint, officer. I think it's broken' David managed to groan. 'Well then,' the policeman responded, 'you'd better check your handbrake, too. Your four-wheel-drive rolled down the hill a couple of minutes ago!' |
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8th Jan 2016 12:34am |
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| thor44 Member Since: 18 Sep 2015 Location: Ahrntal, Südtirol Posts: 128 
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My 4-year old was struggling to open his yogurt today when he suddenly mumbled, "
 Lid!" My wife immediately looked at me and said, "I wonder where he's got that from?" I said, "The fridge, you silly ." |
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11th Jan 2016 9:14am |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897
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Admin note: this post has had its images recovered from a money grabbing photo hosting site and reinstated |
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15th Jan 2016 5:41pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4646 
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A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of You
who want off, get off now, 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you who are getting on, get on now, 'cos we're going down the tracks."
The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added.......... "For those of you who are OFF ABOUT THE TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat controller in the kitchen." 1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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15th Jan 2016 11:01pm |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897
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"Any two-watt bulbs?"
"For what?" "That'll do. I'll take two." "Two what?" "I thought you didn't have any." "Any what?" "Yes, please." |
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18th Jan 2016 11:50am |
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