 | Home > Off Topic > Joke of the day ... (beat this) |
 
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| Rashers Member Since: 21 Jun 2015 Location: Norfolk Posts: 3486   
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Keep them coming 
Need something to cheer us all up in this times  |
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5th Nov 2020 6:35pm |
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| RoadForce Member Since: 17 Jul 2014 Location: Holland Posts: 334  
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I absolutely agree: in these dark times it's good to flick through a couple of pages in this thread to cheer you up. Keep it up everyone! Defender 130 HCPU Td5 MY2000
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5th Nov 2020 7:08pm |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897  
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Musings on 2020.
1. The daftest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner. 2. I believed in Bojo 3. 2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people. 4. The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors! 5. This morning I saw a neighbour talking to her dog. It was obvious she thought her dog understood her. I came into my house and told my cat. We laughed a lot. 6. Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pyjamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom. 7. Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands? 8. This virus has done what no woman has been able to do. Cancel sports, shut down all bars & keep men at home! 9. I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are! 10. I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator. 11. I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the garden. I’m getting tired of the living room. 12. Appropriate analogy. "The curve is flattening so we can start lifting restrictions now” is like saying “The parachute has slowed our rate of descent, so we can take it off now.” 13. Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask & asking for money. 14. The spread of COVID-19 is based on 2 things: i How dense the population is. ii How dense the population is.  |
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6th Nov 2020 6:26pm |
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| Rashers Member Since: 21 Jun 2015 Location: Norfolk Posts: 3486
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Absolutely, Laurie  |
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6th Nov 2020 7:59pm |
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| RoadForce Member Since: 17 Jul 2014 Location: Holland Posts: 334
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No, actually there's a third thing: 14. The spread of COVID-19 is based on 2 3 things: i How dense the population is. ii How dense the population is. iii How thick the population is.  Defender 130 HCPU Td5 MY2000 |
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8th Nov 2020 12:13pm |
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| LandRoverAnorak Member Since: 17 Jul 2011 Location: Surrey Posts: 11324
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I think you've missed the joke
 Darren
110 USW BUILD THREAD - EXPEDITION TRAILER - 200tdi 90 BUILD THREAD - SANKEY TRAILER - IG@landroveranorak "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought!" - Princess Leia |
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8th Nov 2020 7:09pm |
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| keef9t Member Since: 13 Mar 2016 Location: manchester Posts: 170 
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Found this poem whilst clearing the mother-in law's house.
THE AGES OF IT From 20 to 30 if a man lives right, It's once in a morning, twice at night. From 30 to 40, if he still lives right, It's once in a morning, sometimes at night. From 40 to 50, it's just now and then, From 50 to 60, it's God knows when, From 60 to 70, he's not so inclined, But don't let him fool you, It's still on his mind. His sporting days are over, His little light is out, What used to be his sex appeal, Is now his water spout. It used to be embarrassing, The way it would behave, For nearly every morning, It would stand and watch him shave. But now it's getting older, It sure gives him the blues, To see it's little head hang down, To watch him clean his shoes. THE END |
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8th Nov 2020 8:51pm |
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| Swine&Small Member Since: 20 Mar 2017 Location: Norfolk Posts: 1223
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Ain't that the truth
1983 Series 3 Pick up in Marine Blue
1967 Morris Traveller 1966 Morris Convertible 2012 VW T5 Camper Quod Abundat Non Obstat. |
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8th Nov 2020 9:16pm |
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| RoadForce Member Since: 17 Jul 2014 Location: Holland Posts: 334
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Sorry, non-native speaker here! I had to look it up and now understand your point. I thought it was a joke similar to the saying: Only three things are important when buying a house: 1 Location 2 Location 3 Location Oh well, learned something new today! Defender 130 HCPU Td5 MY2000 |
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9th Nov 2020 7:48am |
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| LandRoverAnorak Member Since: 17 Jul 2011 Location: Surrey Posts: 11324
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Heh, heh, no worries. Darren
110 USW BUILD THREAD - EXPEDITION TRAILER - 200tdi 90 BUILD THREAD - SANKEY TRAILER - IG@landroveranorak "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought!" - Princess Leia |
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9th Nov 2020 10:08am |
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| Slideywindows Member Since: 09 Sep 2016 Location: North Essex Posts: 1283
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A shorter way of putting this ^ is: 20 to 40 is tri-weekly. 40 to 60 is try weekly. 60+ is try weakly. |
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9th Nov 2020 5:17pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4646 
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Pat out for a walk and it started raining heavily so he took shelter in a massage parlour.
Woman "Would you like super sex?" Pat "I'll have the soup". 1982 88" 2.25 diesel 1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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14th Nov 2020 4:20pm |
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| Procta Member Since: 03 Dec 2016 Location: Sunderland Posts: 5161
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A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom, when she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.
"What are u doing?" She exclaimed!!! The daughter replied,"I'm 35 & still living at home with my parents & this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband". Later that week the father was in the kitchen & heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator. "What are u doing?" He exclaimed!!! The daughter replied, "I'm 35 & still living at home with my parents & this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband". A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. In there she found her husband watching the Super Bowl on TV with the vibrator buzzing away beside him. "What are u doing?" She exclaimed!!! He replied.......... "Watching the game with my Son-In-Law". Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it! |
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16th Nov 2020 4:15pm |
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| Procta Member Since: 03 Dec 2016 Location: Sunderland Posts: 5161
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A Man goes into a Baker's Shop and asks for 2 Bread Rolls.
The Shop Man picks them up with Tongs and puts them in a Brown Paper Bag. He then asks for 2 Cakes the Shop Man picks them up with the Tongs and puts them in the Bag. The Man says, "It’s nice to see, that you don’t Man- Handle the Food".. The Shop Man says, "Sir. Nothing in my Shop is Handled by Human Hand"..?!?!? He then noticed a Piece of String, hanging out of the Shop Man's Trousers and asks..??? "What is that Piece of String for"..???? The Shop Man says, "Well, that's for when I need a  . I just pull on the String and my Old Boy, just pops out"..
"That’s OK", says the Customer, "But pray tell me, how do you put it back in"..??? "That’s not a problem", Says the Shop Man. * "I just use the Tongs"..  Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back
Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it! |
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16th Nov 2020 4:27pm |
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