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Procta



Member Since: 03 Dec 2016
Location: Sunderland
Posts: 5163

United Kingdom 
something a nabbed off the metro owners club site, I posted two years ago. Was a giggle

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-31...-snip.html Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back

Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it!
Post #673914 28th Dec 2017 8:56pm
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williamthedog



Member Since: 29 Dec 2012
Location: south wales
Posts: 3441

2011 Defender 90 Puma 2.4 PU Tamar Blue
Don't think the cat found it funny though Shocked Shocked Shocked
Post #673931 28th Dec 2017 9:20pm
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Swine&Small



Member Since: 20 Mar 2017
Location: Norfolk
Posts: 1223

United Kingdom 
A Scot in Glasgow phoned his son in London

" bad news son, after 45 years your mother and me are getting divorced -
we can´t stand each other any more "
The son screamed at him " You can´t do this - it is crazy - wait - I´m
phoning my sister in Leeds."
He did and she phoned Glasgow screaming - " you can´t do this. Wait - I´m
phoning my brother back. We will there by in a couple of days."

Dad put the phone down . turned to his wife and said:-
"they are both coming for Christmas, and they are paying their own fares."
Bow down 1983 Series 3 Pick up in Marine Blue
1967 Morris Traveller
1966 Morris Convertible
2012 VW T5 Camper
Quod Abundat Non Obstat.
Post #674868 1st Jan 2018 12:37am
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JWL



Member Since: 26 Oct 2011
Location: Hereford
Posts: 3443

England 2002 Defender 110 Td5 SW Coniston Green
So just been asda and some idiot found £300 in asda carpark. This prat tried to give it to the police officer parked in front of the store (like anyone would) but the officer thought it was a prank and wouldn't accept it. So I followed the guy into the store and he bought himself a phone with the money. This is where it gets hilarious. The idiot kept tapping on .... See More
Post #675250 2nd Jan 2018 8:52pm
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300TDi CSW Phil



Member Since: 03 Apr 2016
Location: Bracknell
Posts: 750

United Kingdom 1995 Defender 110 300 Tdi CSW Epsom Green
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable... 1995 300 Tdi Epsom Green - It's a keeper.
Wide Track Sankey- In bits- Gone to a new home
M0XQS
Post #675821 4th Jan 2018 6:49pm
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Grenadier



Member Since: 23 Jul 2014
Location: The foot of Mont Blanc...
Posts: 5804

France 2011 Defender 110 Puma 2.4 DCPU Corris Grey
Funniest thing I've heard in a Long Time
US President Donald Trump has rejected questions raised over his mental health in a bombshell book, describing himself as a "very stable genius". Rolling with laughter

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-42589860 Monsieur Le Grenadier

I've not been everywhere, but it's on my list.....

2011 Puma 110DC - Corris Grey
Post #676381 6th Jan 2018 3:48pm
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Procta



Member Since: 03 Dec 2016
Location: Sunderland
Posts: 5163

United Kingdom 

Click image to enlarge
 Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back

Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it!
Post #677933 12th Jan 2018 4:49pm
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Chugga90



Member Since: 07 Sep 2014
Location: Bucks
Posts: 208

Hope it works, but doubt it does as my dad had Dementia and he could hover on his vapour trails!
Post #677937 12th Jan 2018 5:00pm
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Procta



Member Since: 03 Dec 2016
Location: Sunderland
Posts: 5163

United Kingdom 
Chugga90, when I was in college way back in 2003. One of the lads used to browse Ebay, as he had a bit of computer business going. Anyway he used to come across some funny listening while browsing for stuff. He came across people selling bottled farts. with a discription of what they had to eat the night before Shocked Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back

Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it!
Post #677967 12th Jan 2018 6:30pm
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Chugga90



Member Since: 07 Sep 2014
Location: Bucks
Posts: 208

Sounds lovely Rolling with laughter
Post #678436 14th Jan 2018 7:17pm
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Procta



Member Since: 03 Dec 2016
Location: Sunderland
Posts: 5163

United Kingdom 
Laughing
 Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back

Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it!
Post #681658 25th Jan 2018 7:59pm
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Laurie



Member Since: 22 Feb 2008
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 2897

England 2005 Defender 90 Td5 XS CSW Bonatti Grey

Click image to enlarge
 
Post #686612 14th Feb 2018 6:09pm
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gilarion



Member Since: 05 Dec 2013
Location: Wales
Posts: 5110

Wales 2007 Defender 90 Other CSW Trident Green
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

And probably so true Whistle For those who like Welsh Mountains and narrow boats have a look at my videos and photos at..

http://www.youtube.com/user/conwy1
Post #686635 14th Feb 2018 8:09pm
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Ashbyandy



Member Since: 17 Dec 2015
Location: Leicestershire
Posts: 223

England 2015 Defender 110 Puma 2.2 Adventure Phoenix Orange
No truer word spoken, especially when it comes to government contracts, 💰💰
Post #686653 14th Feb 2018 9:27pm
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AndyS



Member Since: 18 Aug 2012
Location: London
Posts: 595

United Kingdom 2011 Defender 110 Puma 2.4 XS CSW Sumatra Black
Except it's not true. Companies like them take on jobs at cost hoping to get profit from down specking materials and labour and managing their outgoing money to the people actually doing the job. As a supplier to these companies you have to finance the actual job itself and you'll probably have to pay your bills in 30 or 60 days but if you get money from them in 90 to 120 days (or at all) you're doing well.

You could argue that there is business case for doing this, although I find it disgusting, but what's really awful is the huge amounts they pay their top bods in bonuses and payouts to the share holders while avoiding putting money into the staff pension fund. So even internally, the actual people doing the work lose out.
Post #687254 17th Feb 2018 7:31pm
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