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Home > Off Topic > Joke of the day ... (beat this)

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VeeTee Member Since: 06 Mar 2011 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1512

A woman calls the workshop: - Hey, partno. 710 fell off my car and I do not know where it belongs. - Did you say Partno. 710? - Yes, it's partno. 710. - Well, I don't have a clue... - Off course, you men never have any idea, guess what. - Can you help us and send a picture so we can help you? - Sure, one moment:  Cheers, Vincent 1959 Polynorm 1/4 Ton Trailer, Olive Drab Green (sold) 1970 M416 Military Trailer (Camping Trailer Conversion), Epsom Green (sold) 1975 Series III 88 V6, Light Green (sadly sold) 1996 Defender 110 CSW 300 Tdi, Epsom Green (sold) 2000 Freelander 1 TD4 3-drs, Silver (sold) 2006 Freelander 1 TD4 5-drs Facelift Automatic, Tonga Green (sold) MySite

23rd May 2017 5:09pm

shaggydog Member Since: 12 Aug 2012 Location: Kent Posts: 3347	There were some big strops and a few tears as I left for work this morning. My girlfriend remained stoic as ever though... Running Restoration Thread http://www.defender2.net/forum/post323197.html#323197 Self confessed mileage hunter
31st May 2017 12:05pm

Rickydodah Member Since: 14 Jul 2014 Location: East Sussex Posts: 1091

Three men arrive in Heaven at the same time, and St. Peter comes out to greet them. “Sorry about this, guys,” says St. Peter, “God didn’t realize just how many people would get into Heaven, so we have a new policy. You now have to tell me the story of how you died, and if I think it’s sad or interesting enough, I’ll let you in.” He walks up to the first man who is a nerdy, bookish sort in a bad business suit and says, “Tell me your story.” “Okay,” says the man. “I thought I had a wonderful life. I had a beautiful wife and we had a lovely place on the 34th floor of an apartment building. I came home from work early today, and I saw my beautiful wife sleeping naked in bed. Then I saw another man’s clothes on the floor! So of course I started looking for the who slept with my wife.” The man continues, “Like I said, I lived in an apartment. There weren’t that many places to hide, but I couldn’t find him anywhere! Just when I was about to go confront my wife, I see him. The was hiding outside the window, holding on to the windowsill. I go up to him and started stomping on his hands over and over again, but he wouldn’t let go. I finally kicked him in the face and he fell. Unfortunately, he landed on a bush and bounced to safety. In my anger, I grabbed my refrigerator and threw it out after him. However, the cord from the refrigerator wrapped around my leg and pulled me to my death.” St. Peter nods and says, “Your story is acceptable. Welcome to Heaven.” He goes to the second man, a brawny working-man type, and says, “What’s your story?” “I’m a window cleaner,” says the man, “I’ve been a window cleaner for over 20 years. Well today, I’m cleaning the windows of the 35th floor of this apartment building when my scaffolding breaks. I thought I was going to die, but I manage to catch myself on the windowsill of the story below.” The man continues, “All of a sudden this maniac comes out and starts mashing my fingers. I try my best to hold on, but he kicks me in the face and I fall. Once again, I thought I was going to die, but I land on this hedge and bounce away, no worse for the wear. I look up and BOOM. Dead. Last thing I saw was a refrigerator.” St. Peter holds back a chuckle and lets him into Heaven. He goes to the third man, a ridiculously handsome fellow with sandy-blonde hair, and asks, “What’s your story?” “Alright,” says the third man, “Imagine me naked… in a refrigerator.” I started with nothing and still have most of it left!

3rd Jul 2017 10:51am

ian series 1 Member Since: 17 Nov 2014 Location: south Posts: 3127	80" 80" 86" 88" 90" Wanted, Forward Control Anything considered.
3rd Jul 2017 11:08am

300TDi CSW Phil Member Since: 03 Apr 2016 Location: Bracknell Posts: 750

A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have met and are talking about all sorts of things. Finally, the subject of sex comes up. "Just how do you guys do it?" asked the Earthling. "Pretty much the way you do," responded the Martian. Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. The female Earthling and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weeny member; very short and very narrow. "What can you do with THAT!?" exclaims the woman. "Why?" he asked, "What's the matter?" "Well," she replied, "it's nowhere near long enough. It'll never reach!" "No problem," he said and proceeded to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grew until it was quite impressively long. "Well," she said. "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow." "No problem," he said again and started pulling his ears. With each pull his member grew wider and wider until the entire measurement was extremely exciting to the woman. "Wow!" she exclaimed as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love. The next day the couples rejoined their normal partners and went off together. As they walked along the Earthling male said, "Well, was it any good?" "I hate to say it," she said, "but it was really wonderful. How about you?" "Well," he said, "It was the weirdest thing. She kept slapping me on the forehead and pulling my ears all night 1995 300 Tdi Epsom Green - It's a keeper. Wide Track Sankey- In bits- Gone to a new home M0XQS

5th Jul 2017 7:19pm

Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897	If you ever feel your life is pointless, just remember.... Someone out there is fitting indicators to a BMW.
23rd Jul 2017 11:15am

Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897	Click image to enlarge Admin note: this post has had its images recovered from a money grabbing photo hosting site and reinstated
30th Jul 2017 10:08am

Procta Member Since: 03 Dec 2016 Location: Sunderland Posts: 5163

A handsome man went into a hotel and asked to see the boss. When the boss came, the story began. -The client: is room 39 empty? -The boss: yes, sir. -The client: can I book it? -The boss: of course you can. -The client: thank you. Before going to the room, the client asked the boss to provide him with a black knife, a white thread 39 cm and an orange 73g. The boss agreed though he was surprized at the weird things the client asked to have. The client went into his room, he didn't ask for food or anything else. Unfortunately for the boss, his room was next to room 39. After midnight, the boss heard strange voices and noise in that client's room. Voices of wild animals and of utensils and dishes being thrown on the floor. The boss didn't sleep that night. He kept thinking and wondering what might be the source of the noise. In the morning, when the client handed the keys to the boss, the latter asked to see the room first. He went to the room and found everything alright. Nothing unusual. He even found the thread, the black knife and the orange on the table. The client paid the bill and gave the bellboys a very good tip and left the hotel smiling. The boss was in a shock but he didn't reveal what he heard to the bellboys. In fact, he started to doubt himself. After one year, the client showed up again. He asked to see the boss again. The boss was in a puzzle. The client asked the same things: room 39, black knife, white thread 39cm and an orange 73g. This time, the boss wanted to know the truth by all means possible. He spent a sleepless night, waiting for something to happen. After midnight, the same voices and noises started, this time louder and more indecipherable than the year before. Again, before leaving, the client paid his bill and left a large tip on the table for the bellboys. The smile didn't leave his face. The boss started searching for the meaning of everything the client asked to have. Why did he ask room 39? why the white thread? why the black knife??? In fact, the boss didn't arrive to any convincing answer to all these questions. The boss now was eagerly waiting for the month of March, the month in which the client showed up. To his surprise, on the first day of March, the same client showed up. He asked the same questions. Wanted to book the same room, wanted to have the same things as before. The boss again heard the same noises, this time more louder than before. In the morning, when the client was leaving the hotel, the boss apologized politely to the client and asked to know the secret behind the noises in the room. -''If I tell you the secret, do you promise to never reveal it to anyone else?'' -''I promise I will never let anyone know''. -''Swear'' -''I swear I won't reveal your secret'' So finally, the client revealed his secret to the boss. Unfortunately, the boss was a sincere person. Until now he hasn't revealed his secret to anyone. When he does, I will let you know  Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it!

30th Jul 2017 4:45pm

gilarion Member Since: 05 Dec 2013 Location: Wales Posts: 5110	^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I am that handsome man, see you next year!  For those who like Welsh Mountains and narrow boats have a look at my videos and photos at.. http://www.youtube.com/user/conwy1
30th Jul 2017 5:16pm

VeeTee Member Since: 06 Mar 2011 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1512	Click image to enlarge Cheers, Vincent 1959 Polynorm 1/4 Ton Trailer, Olive Drab Green (sold) 1970 M416 Military Trailer (Camping Trailer Conversion), Epsom Green (sold) 1975 Series III 88 V6, Light Green (sadly sold) 1996 Defender 110 CSW 300 Tdi, Epsom Green (sold) 2000 Freelander 1 TD4 3-drs, Silver (sold) 2006 Freelander 1 TD4 5-drs Facelift Automatic, Tonga Green (sold) MySite
31st Jul 2017 9:43pm

VeeTee Member Since: 06 Mar 2011 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1512	Click image to enlarge Cheers, Vincent 1959 Polynorm 1/4 Ton Trailer, Olive Drab Green (sold) 1970 M416 Military Trailer (Camping Trailer Conversion), Epsom Green (sold) 1975 Series III 88 V6, Light Green (sadly sold) 1996 Defender 110 CSW 300 Tdi, Epsom Green (sold) 2000 Freelander 1 TD4 3-drs, Silver (sold) 2006 Freelander 1 TD4 5-drs Facelift Automatic, Tonga Green (sold) MySite
5th Aug 2017 9:19am

Procta Member Since: 03 Dec 2016 Location: Sunderland Posts: 5163	Simply Red singer Mick Hucknall was found earlier today by Merseyside police having sex with a rabbit in a field! A spokesperson from the Merseyside force said when they found him he was holding back the ears shouting "Bunnies too tight to mention" Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it!
6th Aug 2017 12:07pm

gilarion Member Since: 05 Dec 2013 Location: Wales Posts: 5110	Better looking than the man himself Born with ginger hair and a mug like a shat out doughnut Click image to enlarge For those who like Welsh Mountains and narrow boats have a look at my videos and photos at.. http://www.youtube.com/user/conwy1
6th Aug 2017 1:29pm

ginjez Member Since: 18 Sep 2011 Location: huddersfield Posts: 1760	We ginners do have our uses - even if it's only to amuse the non ginner community
6th Aug 2017 4:40pm

Procta Member Since: 03 Dec 2016 Location: Sunderland Posts: 5163	gilarion wrote: Better looking than the man himself Born with ginger hair and a mug like a shat out doughnut Click image to enlarge I wonder what he told the women about his hooter  Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it!
6th Aug 2017 7:28pm

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