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Procta



Member Since: 03 Dec 2016
Location: Sunderland
Posts: 5235
United Kingdom 
what's hot, smells and makes you want to drop your pants?








diarrhea
Post #587446 24th Dec 2016 6:45pm
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Laurie



Member Since: 22 Feb 2008
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 2897
England 2005 Defender 90 Td5 XS CSW Bonatti Grey
Still seven weeks to pancake day and the shops are selling eggs and flour already. 
Post #590358 5th Jan 2017 12:38pm
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shaggydog



Member Since: 12 Aug 2012
Location: Kent
Posts: 3347
United Kingdom 1991 Defender 110 200 Tdi USW Arles Blue
People keep asking me where I'm going to be in 3 years time!

How am I supposed to know, I don't have 2020 vision! Running Restoration Thread http://www.defender2.net/forum/post323197.html#323197

Self confessed mileage hunter Very Happy
Post #590868 6th Jan 2017 11:55pm
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Rickydodah



Member Since: 14 Jul 2014
Location: East Sussex
Posts: 1091
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

“You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch: You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!”

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband, and she looks at the signs as she goes up the floors.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: “Floor 1 – These men have jobs.”

The second floor sign reads: “Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids.”

The third floor sign reads: “Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.”

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: “Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.”

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor, where the sign reads: “Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.”

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor anyway. There, the sign reads:

“Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.”

Whistle I started with nothing and still have most of it left!
Post #591159 7th Jan 2017 11:37pm
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shaggydog



Member Since: 12 Aug 2012
Location: Kent
Posts: 3347
United Kingdom 1991 Defender 110 200 Tdi USW Arles Blue
I was given a thesaurus for Christmas, when I opened it up it was blank.

I have no words to describe how disappointed I am.... Running Restoration Thread http://www.defender2.net/forum/post323197.html#323197

Self confessed mileage hunter Very Happy
Post #592119 11th Jan 2017 1:03pm
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gilarion



Member Since: 05 Dec 2013
Location: Wales
Posts: 5115
Wales 2007 Defender 90 Other CSW Trident Green
A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils.

I hate Russian dolls, they’re so full of themselves

The first time I got a universal remote control I thought to myself, This changes everything

Say what you want about deaf people

I refused to believe my road worker friend was stealing from his job, but when I visited him all the signs were there For those who like Welsh Mountains and narrow boats have a look at my videos and photos at..

http://www.youtube.com/user/conwy1
Post #592143 11th Jan 2017 2:03pm
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Laurie



Member Since: 22 Feb 2008
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 2897
England 2005 Defender 90 Td5 XS CSW Bonatti Grey
Highlighter pens are the future...

Mark my words. 
Post #593212 15th Jan 2017 12:51pm
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Laurie



Member Since: 22 Feb 2008
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 2897
England 2005 Defender 90 Td5 XS CSW Bonatti Grey
A mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, it took her 15 hours to hoover the house.
Turns out she was a Slovak. 
Post #595848 24th Jan 2017 10:47am
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Laurie



Member Since: 22 Feb 2008
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 2897
England 2005 Defender 90 Td5 XS CSW Bonatti Grey

Click image to enlarge 
Post #596785 27th Jan 2017 5:16pm
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BossHog



Member Since: 28 Jun 2013
Location: Fylde Coast
Posts: 185
England 
.
A guy sends a text to his next-door neighbor:
“ Bob, I’m sorry. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you’re not around, probably more than you. I know it’s no excuse but I don’t get it at home. I can’t live with the guilt any longer. I hope you’ll accept my sincerest apology. It won’t happen again.”
Feeling outrage and betrayed, Bob grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.

Moments later the guy gets a second text: “Really should use spell check! That should be ‘wifi’.”Smile 📶

.
Post #597035 28th Jan 2017 6:19pm
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Laurie



Member Since: 22 Feb 2008
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 2897
England 2005 Defender 90 Td5 XS CSW Bonatti Grey
Ms. Smith saw one of her students making faces at others on the playground & stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces I would get stuck like that."
Little Johnny replied, "Well Miss, you can't say you weren't warned." 
Post #598245 1st Feb 2017 11:36am
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Iggle piggle



Member Since: 10 Sep 2014
Location: Wales
Posts: 378
United Kingdom 1989 Defender 90 V8 Petrol ST Alpine White
Meanwhile in Mexico . . . . . http://i.imgur.com/6ueVt3I.gifv
Post #598814 3rd Feb 2017 12:38pm
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ian series 1



Member Since: 17 Nov 2014
Location: south
Posts: 3127
United Kingdom 2008 Defender 90 Puma 2.4 CSW Bonatti Grey
Rolling with laughter 80" 80" 86" 88" 90"

Wanted, Forward Control Anything considered.
Post #598816 3rd Feb 2017 1:05pm
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custom90



Member Since: 21 Jan 2010
Location: South West, England.
Posts: 20612
United Kingdom 

Click image to enlarge Chillin In The Backwoods🇬🇧🇺🇸
⛽ï¸ðŸ›¢ï¸âš™ï¸ðŸ§°ðŸ’ª
Post #598866 3rd Feb 2017 5:30pm
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gilarion



Member Since: 05 Dec 2013
Location: Wales
Posts: 5115
Wales 2007 Defender 90 Other CSW Trident Green
Read in the news about the lettuce shortage........Mark my words,this is just the tip of the iceberg....... For those who like Welsh Mountains and narrow boats have a look at my videos and photos at..

http://www.youtube.com/user/conwy1
Post #599098 4th Feb 2017 5:59pm
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