 | Home > Off Topic > Joke of the day ... (beat this) |
 
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| ian series 1 Member Since: 17 Nov 2014 Location: south Posts: 3127   
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 brilliant! 80" 80" 86" 88" 90"
Wanted, Forward Control Anything considered. |
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7th Aug 2015 11:12am |
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| Rakthi Member Since: 30 Nov 2012 Location: Where the cats are Posts: 200 
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 Click image to enlarge |
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8th Aug 2015 7:33am |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897  
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9th Aug 2015 9:55am |
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| Muddybigdog Member Since: 11 Apr 2014 Location: Suffolk Posts: 1016 
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Jumped ship to reliability - Mitsubishi L200
Puma 90 XS - Sold D3 - 2.7 S x2 (both Sold) Freelander 2 HSE - Sold Freelander 1 - Sold Disco 2 - Sold |
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9th Aug 2015 10:02am |
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| sharkey964 Member Since: 05 Oct 2014 Location: On a muddy track Posts: 574  
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Brilliant.... |
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9th Aug 2015 10:02am |
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| Venomator Member Since: 25 Aug 2014 Location: Peterborough Posts: 2087
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Agreed...
Rog... 
The GREEN One... MY2016 Urban Truck Build Thread - http://www.defender2.net/forum/topic40548....al[/color] |
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9th Aug 2015 10:46am |
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| gilarion Member Since: 05 Dec 2013 Location: Wales Posts: 5109  
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Funny Insurance claim excuses
"Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.." "I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle of the road causing me to ejaculate through the sun roof." (from an Australian claim) "The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind.""I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought." "I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket." "I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight" "I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk." "First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car." "Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo." "The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again" "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention." "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way" "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole." "I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident." "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished." "I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows." "I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it." "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him." "I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident." "As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before." "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian." "I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull." "I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him." "The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him." "I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car." "The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing. "The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him." "The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle." "I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings." "The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week." "I knocked over a man; he admitted it was his fault for he had been knocked down before." For those who like Welsh Mountains and narrow boats have a look at my videos and photos at.. http://www.youtube.com/user/conwy1 |
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12th Aug 2015 5:13pm |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897
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No, copied it off a post on another forum.
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12th Aug 2015 10:39pm |
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| ARC99 Member Since: 19 Feb 2013 Location: North Yorkshire Posts: 1831 
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Click image to enlarge Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to  us off.
Richard |
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14th Aug 2015 7:47pm |
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| ARC99 Member Since: 19 Feb 2013 Location: North Yorkshire Posts: 1831
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Click image to enlarge Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to us off.
Richard |
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14th Aug 2015 7:50pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4646 
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It is rumoured that the handbook for the replacement Defender will have instructions on how to deactivate the airbag, namely "Would you mind not talking dear." 1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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21st Aug 2015 8:25pm |
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| TooTall Member Since: 10 Jul 2012 Location: Fens Posts: 504 
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"Ease your worries, Clear-up your woes, Go into your garage & put stuff into rows." |
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21st Aug 2015 8:40pm |
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| gilarion Member Since: 05 Dec 2013 Location: Wales Posts: 5109
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Edinburgh Fringe Jokes
I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's now Hans free The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves" I never lie on my CV…because it creases it What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'? One is really heavy; the other is a little lighter For those who like Welsh Mountains and narrow boats have a look at my videos and photos at.. http://www.youtube.com/user/conwy1 |
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25th Aug 2015 3:22pm |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897
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His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'. The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.' 'Why?' asked the pilot. 'Because I'm a photographer for CNN? he responded, 'and I need to get some close-up shots.' The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?' |
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30th Aug 2015 10:50am |
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