 | Home > Off Topic > Joke of the day ... (beat this) |
 
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| Lou Sparts Member Since: 15 Apr 2012 Location: Kent Posts: 1501   
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When Tess married Mr Tickle she became ........... ? 2005 Td5 90 XS
Steve |
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24th Oct 2013 9:17am |
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| MartinK Member Since: 02 Mar 2011 Location: Silverdale (Lancashire/Cumbria Border) Posts: 2665 
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My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!
Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web. Defender "Puma" 2.4 110 County Utility (possibly the last of the 2.4's) |
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24th Oct 2013 9:47am |
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| JSG Member Since: 12 Jul 2007 Location: Berkshire Posts: 2412 
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Mrs Tickle  John
http://www.hampshire4x4response.co.uk 2011 Tdci 110 CSW XS |
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24th Oct 2013 10:22am |
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| Lou Sparts Member Since: 15 Apr 2012 Location: Kent Posts: 1501
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Correctamundo !
 2005 Td5 90 XS
Steve |
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24th Oct 2013 5:47pm |
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| mattlab Member Since: 16 May 2011 Location: suffolk Posts: 143  
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As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a traffic wardens funeral a voice from inside screams.
I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out! The vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters - Too bloody late pal, I've done the paperwork. LIFE`S TOO SHORT TO DRIVE A BORING VEHICLE |
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24th Oct 2013 6:24pm |
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| mattlab Member Since: 16 May 2011 Location: suffolk Posts: 143
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Paddy says to Mick "I found this pen, is it yours?"
Mick replies "Don't know, give it here." He then tries it and says, "Yes it is" Paddy asks "How do you know?" Mick replies, "That's my handwriting" LIFE`S TOO SHORT TO DRIVE A BORING VEHICLE |
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24th Oct 2013 6:33pm |
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| shaggydog Member Since: 12 Aug 2012 Location: Kent Posts: 3347 
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What does the sniper say when he gets back from work?
Missed you |
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9th Nov 2013 3:59pm |
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| jimbob7 Member Since: 06 Jul 2013 Location: uk Posts: 2055 |
Two monkeys and a women on the first manned mission to Mars,halfway there they get a call from Houston,"Monkey no.1 approach the radio," the monkey walks over to the radio,"Monkey no.1, check no.2 engine temperature and coolant levels",off the monkey trots, later there is another call from Houston,"monkey No.2,approach the radio," monkey walks over to the radio,"monkey no.2,check radiation levels and check oxygen tanks no.3,4," monkey goes off to do his checks,a short while later they get another call from Houston,Women,approach the radio," up the women gets walks over to the radio,"women,I want yo..."yeah,yeah,I know,interrupts the women,"feed the fu**in monkeys and don't touch anythin." Pov.spec,ftw. 2006, 110,TD5.
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21st Nov 2013 2:50pm |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897 
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 Click image to enlarge Admin note: this post has had its images recovered from a money grabbing photo hosting site and reinstated  |
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21st Nov 2013 6:56pm |
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| bpman Member Since: 21 May 2008 Location: Oslo Posts: 8069 
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Laurie ... one from a similar place ....
Click image to enlarge |
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28th Nov 2013 12:45pm |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897
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whats the worst thing about wearing Russian trousers?
Chernobyl fallout. |
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28th Nov 2013 12:50pm |
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| party monkey Member Since: 31 Dec 2010 Location: Oxon. Posts: 1311 
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My missus seems to have developed a real thing about Lego.
That's all she screams when I try to drag her into the bedroom! Jon - 110 td5 [sold]. Currently Defenderless. |
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28th Nov 2013 1:39pm |
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| Killer90 Site Sponsor Member Since: 09 Oct 2011 Location: Hertfordshire Posts: 6478 
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two irish men at a bus stop -
Paddy was sitting at the bus stop holding a bag of donuts when his friend said "what you got in there" "donuts" replied paddy. His friend then said "if i guess how many donuts you got in that bag can i have one" paddy replied and said "if you guess how many's in the bag you can have both of them" Friend reply's "4" CSK Automotive
www.cskautomotive.co.uk Like us on Facebook - www.facebook.com/csklr Follow us on Instagram - @cskautomotive |
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28th Nov 2013 3:21pm |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897
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Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor. It lands butter-side-up. He looks at what he has done in astonishment, for he knows it’s a law of nature that buttered toast always falls butter-down. He rushes round to the presbytery to fetch the priest. He tells the priest that he thinks a miracle has happened round at his flat. He won’t say what it is but wants Fr Flannagan to see it with his own eyes. He brings Fr Flannagan into the kitchen and asks him what he sees on the floor."
"Well,” says the priest, “it’s pretty obvious what we have here. Someone dropped some buttered toast, and then for some reason flipped it over so that the butter was on top.” “No, Father, I swear I dropped it and it landed like that, isn't that a miracle?” “Well,” Fr Flannagan says, “it’s certainly a natural law of the universe that dropped toast never falls butter side up. But it’s not for me to say it’s a miracle. I’ll report the matter to the bishop, and have him send people round, to interview you, take photos, etc.” An investigation of some rigour is conducted, not only by priests of the archdiocese, but by scientists sent from the Curia in Rome. The final ruling is a negative, however. it reads: “It was certainly an extraordinary event that occurred in Murphy’s room, quite outside the normal run of the usual phenomena. Yet we have to be very cautious before ruling any happening miraculous, ruling out all possible natural explanations. In this case we have declared there is no miracle. For it probably resulted from Murphy's having actually buttered the toast on the wrong side.” |
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25th Feb 2014 8:54pm |
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