 | Home > Off Topic > Joke of the day ... (beat this) |
 
|
|
|
| custom90 Member Since: 21 Jan 2010 Location: South West, England. Posts: 20294  
|
I found this article quite funny:
http://www.autobulbsdirect.co.uk/blog/8015...g-you-mad/ ⭐️⭐️God Bless the USA 🇬🇧🇺🇸 ⭐️⭐️ |
||
17th Mar 2013 10:32pm |
|
| GUM97 Member Since: 05 Feb 2012 Location: Cheshire Posts: 3555 
|
The amount of truck drivers that follow Sat Navs down roads that aren't wide enough is unbelievable  An engine to TDi for!
"Land Rover- Proudly turning drivers into mechanics since 1948"  |
||
|
18th Mar 2013 5:04pm |
|
| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897  
|
|
||
|
12th Apr 2013 1:06pm |
|
| ZeDefender Member Since: 15 Sep 2011 Location: Munich Posts: 4731  
|
Awesome
 Tell someone you love them today because life is short.
But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing... |
||
|
12th Apr 2013 1:38pm |
|
| bpman Member Since: 21 May 2008 Location: Oslo Posts: 8069 
|
Frank Carson has died after choking on unspecified food.
Initial Hospital reports suggest it was a cracker. |
||
|
18th Apr 2013 6:38am |
|
| bpman Member Since: 21 May 2008 Location: Oslo Posts: 8069
|
A bloke goes to the Doctor and says "I've got strange voices coming from my underpants!"
Doc says,"Ignore them,they're just talking *******s!" |
||
|
18th Apr 2013 6:38am |
|
| bpman Member Since: 21 May 2008 Location: Oslo Posts: 8069
|
> >Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball
> headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.The ball hit one > of the men. > > >He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and > proceeded to roll around in agony. > > >The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please > allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain > if you'd allow me, she told him. > > >'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. > He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands > there at his groin. > > >At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took > his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands > inside. > > >She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, > 'How does that feel'? > > >He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken! |
||
|
18th Apr 2013 6:39am |
|
| bpman Member Since: 21 May 2008 Location: Oslo Posts: 8069
|
My wife asked me if I had any fantasies. I said "Yeah I've got this one where we're complete strangers and we've never met".
"Ohhh" she said "And then you pick me up in a bar or something?" "No" I replied "Just the first bit!" |
||
|
18th Apr 2013 6:48am |
|
| ZeDefender Member Since: 15 Sep 2011 Location: Munich Posts: 4731
|
That's one for each  Tell someone you love them today because life is short.
But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing... |
||
|
18th Apr 2013 7:27am |
|
| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4646 
|
Police car comes up to a car and shouts to the driver - Pullover
Driver replies - No, it's a cardigan 1982 88" 2.25 diesel 1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
||
|
25th Apr 2013 7:59pm |
|
| bm52 Member Since: 04 Apr 2010 Location: Kent Posts: 2189 
|
Oh god....let's just hope he does'nt jumper red light BM52 |
||
|
25th Apr 2013 8:46pm |
|
| Mountain_man Member Since: 09 Dec 2011 Location: Right side of Offas Dyke Posts: 756 
|
I see Bilbo Baggins has been found dead at his home sporting an erection.
Seems old Hobbits die hard |
||
|
25th Apr 2013 10:18pm |
|
| Merlin Member Since: 30 Oct 2010 Location: Newmarket Posts: 981
|
A woman was involved in a car crash while she was pregnant with twins. She went into a coma. When she awoke, much later the nurse told her she had had a boy and a girl.
I'll have to name them quickly, she said. No no said the nurse, your brother has done that already. What did he call them, she said? Well said the nurse, the girl he called Denise. Thats nice said the mother, and the boy? De nephew, said the nurse! Merlin |
||
|
20th Jul 2013 2:55pm |
|
| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4646
|
In the early hours of the morning, a husband and wife are awakened from their slumbers by a loud and persistent hammering on the front door.The wife tells the husband to go and see who it is. So the husband gets up, not in the best of tempers and heads for the front door.When he opens the door he sees a man standing on the doorstep.
"What do you want?" snaps the husband. "I want a push" comes the reply. The angry husband tells the stranger to go away, using very colourful language and stomps back to bed and the mrs. "Who was it?" asks the mrs. "Some stranger looking for a push but I sent him away" says the husband. "That's not nice" says the mrs."Remember when you broke down and needed help, someone pushed you to the garage. Go down and give the man a push." So the husband gets up once again muttering some unsavoury things under his breath and heads for the front door. When he opens the door the stranger is not there anymore.So he shouts out,"Hello" He hears a "Hello" back from the stranger. Husband "Do you still need a push?" Stranger "Yes" Husband "Where are you?" Stranger "On your swing" 1982 88" 2.25 diesel 1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
||
|
15th Aug 2013 7:44pm |
|
|
|
| All times are GMT |
< Previous Topic | Next Topic > |
Posting Rules
|
Site Copyright © 2006-2024 Futuranet Ltd & Martin Lewis
