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| ZeDefender Member Since: 15 Sep 2011 Location: Munich Posts: 4731   
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Only goes to show - it can always get worse
Just waiting now for someone to tell us all off for being "inappropriate"  Tell someone you love them today because life is short.
But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing... |
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9th Nov 2012 9:32pm |
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| ZeDefender Member Since: 15 Sep 2011 Location: Munich Posts: 4731
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 Tell someone you love them today because life is short.
But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing... Last edited by ZeDefender on 9th Nov 2012 10:07pm. Edited 2 times in total |
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9th Nov 2012 9:41pm |
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| willy eckerslike Member Since: 15 Jun 2009 Location: North yorks Posts: 1789  
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A man went into an urologist and told him he was having a problem, as he was unable to get an erection.
The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of the organ were damaged from a previous viral infection and there was nothing he could actually do for him. However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he was willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of planting muscle tissues from an elephants trunk into his 'old fella'. The man thought about it for a while. The thought of having to go through life without sex was too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty to the elephant, the man decided to go for it. A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go and try out his newly renovated equipment. As a result he planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being extremely painful To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his manhood sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and returned to his trousers. His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her face said, 'That was incredible! Can you do that again?' With tears in his eyes and a quiver on his lip he replied, 'I think I can but I'm not sure if another bread roll will fit up my arse' Shamelessly Stolen from Bill Wright Original Member Pie n Pea Club. 110 HCPU Tipper |
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9th Nov 2012 9:46pm |
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| ZeDefender Member Since: 15 Sep 2011 Location: Munich Posts: 4731
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My dirty mind was headed in a different direction  Tell someone you love them today because life is short.
But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing... |
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9th Nov 2012 9:59pm |
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| TooTall Member Since: 10 Jul 2012 Location: Fens Posts: 504 
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At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly
gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day. The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure. They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady, 'Do you want to go up or down?' All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat ! When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years. They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river. He again asked the lady , 'Up or down ?' There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again. This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.. She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, 'Up or down ?' The woman replied, 'Down.' A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady, 'Up or down ?' She replied, 'Up.' This really confused the gentleman so he asked, 'What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!' She replied, 'Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were  or drown "Ease your worries, Clear-up your woes,
Go into your garage & put stuff into rows." |
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13th Nov 2012 10:36pm |
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| ZeDefender Member Since: 15 Sep 2011 Location: Munich Posts: 4731
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Tell someone you love them today because life is short.
But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing... |
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13th Nov 2012 10:40pm |
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| Merlin Member Since: 30 Oct 2010 Location: Newmarket Posts: 981
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John went to the local bank to borrow money for a new bull. The loan was made and the banker, Bill, who lent the money, came by a week later to see how the bull was doing.
John complained that the bull just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. The banker suggested that he have a veterinarian take a look at the bull. The next week, the banker returned to see if the vet had helped. John really looked very pleased, and said, "The bull has serviced all of my cows! Then, he broke through the fence, and bred all my neighbor's cows! He's been breeding just about everything in sight. He's like a machine!" "Wow," said the banker , "What did the vet do to that bull?" "He just gave him some pills.", replied John. "What kind of pills?", asked the banker. "I don't know, but they've got a peppermint taste." Merlin |
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16th Nov 2012 8:45pm |
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| ZeDefender Member Since: 15 Sep 2011 Location: Munich Posts: 4731
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http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6846855/...irlfriends Horribly close to the truth  Tell someone you love them today because life is short.
But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing... |
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16th Nov 2012 8:47pm |
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| custom90 Member Since: 21 Jan 2010 Location: South West, England. Posts: 20299
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Matt - I just saw the URL of that link. Don't think I'll be clicking that.
⭐️⭐️God Bless the USA 🇬🇧🇺🇸 ⭐️⭐️ |
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16th Nov 2012 8:49pm |
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| TooTall Member Since: 10 Jul 2012 Location: Fens Posts: 504
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3 men die on Xmas eve, to get into heaven St Peter says "you must have something on you that represents Xmas" the Englishman flicks on his lighter and says "it's a candle", St Peter lets him pass, the Welsh man jingles his keys and says "they're sleigh bells", St Peter lets him pass, the Irish man pulls out a G String and bra, St Peter says "how do they represent Xmas?"... Paddy says "they're Carols." :p "Ease your worries, Clear-up your woes,
Go into your garage & put stuff into rows." |
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21st Nov 2012 1:21pm |
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| Go Beyond Member Since: 30 Jan 2012 Location: Headcorn, Kent Posts: 6678
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Excellent |
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21st Nov 2012 1:35pm |
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| ZeDefender Member Since: 15 Sep 2011 Location: Munich Posts: 4731
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Tell someone you love them today because life is short.
But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing... |
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21st Nov 2012 1:48pm |
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| lukev01 Member Since: 24 Mar 2012 Location: Bedfordshire Posts: 412  
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Rick Wakeman once told this joke on the radio:
An assassin is making his way home when he stops at a village pub. He is driving a convertible and doesn't want to leave his "equipment" on display, so takes a long case in with him. A short while later, a man sits next to him and they chat while enjoying their beer. Inevitably, talk turns to the long case and the assassin admits that it is the tools of his trade and that he charges 10k per hit. The man asks to see the rifle and soon finds that he can see his own house from where he is sitting. Adjusting the sight, he finds he can see his bedroom, only to see his wife and his best friend at it like rabbits. Incensed, he demands to use the assassin's services, considering that it will be the best 20k he will ever spend. He also asks that the assassini shoots his wife in the head first then shoots his best friend right between the legs. The assassin calmly agrees and then loads the rifle, sighting carefully in the direction of the man's bedroom. After five minutes, the assassin hasn't moved a muscle and the man is getting nervous. "What are you doing?" he finally asks, to be told: "Wait a minute....I will probably be able to save you 10,000", comes the reply. 1970 Series 2A 88" |
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24th Nov 2012 8:30pm |
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| ZeDefender Member Since: 15 Sep 2011 Location: Munich Posts: 4731
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... took me a while, then
Tell someone you love them today because life is short.
But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing... |
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24th Nov 2012 8:54pm |
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