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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897   
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I'm a vegetarian - I don't eat carnivorous animals.
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27th Jan 2012 1:45pm |
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| Lorryman100 Member Since: 01 Oct 2010 Location: Here Posts: 2686 |
STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM
I would have given him 100% 
Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the page Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? * marriage Q5. What is the main reason for failure? * exams Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast? * Lunch & dinner Q7. What looks like half an apple? * The other half Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? * It will simply become wet Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ? * No problem, he sleeps at night. Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? * You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.. Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ? * Very large hands Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? * No time at all, the wall is already built. Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? *Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack. |
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8th Feb 2012 11:13am |
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| Lorryman100 Member Since: 01 Oct 2010 Location: Here Posts: 2686 |
A group of bikers were riding when they saw a woman about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he didn't want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity either, so he asked... "Well, beforeyou jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" So she does... And it was a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I've ever had! That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why in the world would you want to commit suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl........". The authorities think she may have been pushed |
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8th Feb 2012 12:23pm |
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| bpman Member Since: 21 May 2008 Location: Oslo Posts: 8069 
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# How do they serve alcoholic drinks on Italian cruise ships? - On the rocks
# What vegetables do you get with dinner on Italian cruise ships? - Leeks # What's the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship? - Follow the captain ( Captain Coward ) # When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia was asked if he knew where he was going he replied "off course." # So Captain Coward of the Costa Concordia will soon be in the dock. That's more than can be said for his ship. # I like my women how I like my Italian Cruises. Wet, wrecked and ready to go down. # The Costa Concordia is probably the most expensive thing to go down in Italy since Berlusconi's last hooker. # What's the difference between the Italian economy and the stricken cruise liner Costa Concordia? Nothing - The bottoms dropped out of both. |
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8th Feb 2012 9:06pm |
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| pom Member Since: 01 Jun 2010 Location: Worcester Posts: 1343 |
Ladbrookes have just taken a £189000 bet from a dog named Rosie that Harry Redknapp will be the next England manager......
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9th Feb 2012 5:40pm |
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| GREENI Member Since: 22 Aug 2010 Location: staffs Posts: 10383 
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Just saw this car advert in the local paper.
Escort. Brown. Good condition. Reliable. A bit dirty but very cheap. Slight damage to the rear end. I rang the number and your mum answered. |
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9th Feb 2012 6:41pm |
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| JSG Member Since: 12 Jul 2007 Location: Berkshire Posts: 2412 
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Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. "I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it's the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others" he is told by the doorman.
Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. "See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!" "That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss mathematics!" "And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!" "That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss physics!" "And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!" "That's wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!" Just then another man moves out to capture Albert's hand and shake it. "I'm your last room mate and I'm sorry, but my IQ is only 80." Albert smiles back at him and says, "So, where do you think interest rates are headed?" John http://www.hampshire4x4response.co.uk 2011 Tdci 110 CSW XS |
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9th Feb 2012 11:18pm |
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| bpman Member Since: 21 May 2008 Location: Oslo Posts: 8069
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Nurses aren't supposed to laugh...
"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." "Okay then," said Bob, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen. In length and width was almost identical to a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out. And then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing. Feeling very badly that she had laughed at the man's part, she composed herself as well as she could. "I am so sorry," she said.. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise That won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen," Bob replied. She ran out of the room. |
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9th Apr 2012 7:01am |
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| bpman Member Since: 21 May 2008 Location: Oslo Posts: 8069
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Two chavs jump off a cliff. Who wins?
Society. What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut? One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut. What did the little chav say to the big chav? "Can you get served?" What's the difference between a battery and a chav? A battery has a positive side |
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9th Apr 2012 7:02am |
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| chiefstoker Member Since: 11 Oct 2010 Location: Weston-super-Mud Posts: 897 
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I bought my wife a memory stick for her birthday. Its great, so far she hasnt forgotten my wake-up blowjob, and beer and dinner on the table when I get in.... since the first beating! 2005 TD5 90 Hard Top
Beer 'n Sex 'n Chips 'n Gravy  |
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9th Apr 2012 8:34am |
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| noworries4x4 Member Since: 24 Dec 2010 Location: Newton Abbot Devon Posts: 1195
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Wife texts husband on cold winters morning and says "windows frozen ".......
Husband texts back and says "pour some luke warm water over it".... wife texts back "computer completely  now " !! If everything is under control you are not going fast enough.
Every Day 16 MY Discovery 4 Commercial Workshop and Escort Vehicle Weekends 07MY L322 TDV8 Vogue SE Series 1 80" 3ltr 6cyl with overdrive No Worries 4X4 |
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15th Apr 2012 5:36pm |
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| rossy Member Since: 29 Nov 2010 Location: Co. Roscommon Posts: 1296  
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 Careful now (there are ladies on the forum - hopefully they haven't noticed )
You may have to post a picture of kittens to compensate - or James Blunt  |
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17th Apr 2012 11:51am |
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| rossy Member Since: 29 Nov 2010 Location: Co. Roscommon Posts: 1296
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archaeologists excavating in a pyramid in Egypt have found a new mummy which was surrounded by chests of chocolate and nuts
They have named it Pharaoh Rocher |
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17th Apr 2012 5:46pm |
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| rossy Member Since: 29 Nov 2010 Location: Co. Roscommon Posts: 1296
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I was watching a dwarf climbing down a prison wall when he turned and sneered at me.' Huh', I thought -' thats a little condescending'
boom boom ! (come on guys we need some new material here) |
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22nd Apr 2012 8:34pm |
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