 | Home > Off Topic > Joke of the day ... (beat this) |
 
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| Mountain_man Member Since: 09 Dec 2011 Location: Right side of Offas Dyke Posts: 756  
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Pretty busy in work at the moment. There are only 2 of us working on the production line making Dracula figures.
I have to make every second count |
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10th Jun 2016 5:22pm |
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| shaggydog Member Since: 12 Aug 2012 Location: Kent Posts: 3347  
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Why did the blind lady fall down the well.
She couldn't see that well. 
***SPOILER ALERT*** Game of thrones joke too for those who have seen past season 1 ****Spoiler Alert*** Why do the Lannisters have such big beds? They push 2 twins together to make a King ***Spoiler Alert Ended*** Running Restoration Thread http://www.defender2.net/forum/post323197.html#323197 Self confessed mileage hunter  |
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15th Jun 2016 12:30pm |
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| gabe3105 Member Since: 25 May 2015 Location: Grimsby Posts: 237
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I've just got round to watching Bonnie Tyler's "Goalkeeping blunders" DVD.
It's just totally clips of Joe Hart. |
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30th Jun 2016 9:25am |
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| ian series 1 Member Since: 17 Nov 2014 Location: south Posts: 3127 
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 brilliant! 80" 80" 86" 88" 90"
Wanted, Forward Control Anything considered. |
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8th Jul 2016 11:53am |
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| smb Member Since: 15 Jan 2013 Location: Cheshire Posts: 1232 
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IP, that is excellent, but there is also an Audi lane |
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8th Jul 2016 12:17pm |
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| Iggle piggle Member Since: 10 Sep 2014 Location: Wales Posts: 378 
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Men's logic
Woman: do you like beer? Man: yes Woman: how many beers do you drink per day? Man: about 3 Woman: how much does each beer cost? Man: around £2.50 Woman: how long have you been drinking? Man: about 20 years I suppose Woman: SO ........a beer costs about £2.50, you drink 3 a day, let's say you spend around £200 per month on beer? Man: yeah Woman: This would mean you spend around £2400 a year on beer? Man: I suppose Woman: right...times that by 20 years makes £48k? Man: umm Woman: have you ever thought, ......if you didn't drink beer you could of bought yourself a brand new defender instead of messing about with that old one? Man: do you like beer? Woman: No Man: where's your new defender? |
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8th Jul 2016 9:38pm |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897  
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19th Jul 2016 12:36pm |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897
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 Click image to enlarge Admin note: this post has had its images recovered from a money grabbing photo hosting site and reinstated  |
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25th Jul 2016 12:36pm |
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| steventheplumber Member Since: 29 Apr 2014 Location: Lincolnshire Posts: 767 
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I've got the 4 inch version, but it's scratched!
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25th Jul 2016 6:56pm |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897
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A duck walks into a bar
"Got any bread?" "No" "Got any bread?" "No" "Got any bread?" "No" "Got any bread?" "No! And if you ask me again I'll nail your beak to the bar" "Got any nails?" "No!" "Got any bread?" |
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5th Aug 2016 9:57am |
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| Barney12 Member Since: 09 Jun 2015 Location: South West Posts: 744 
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Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten." A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted" and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he couldn't see his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark", came the reply. Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again." Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner." Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed................ "I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian" |
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5th Aug 2016 7:22pm |
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| bpman Member Since: 21 May 2008 Location: Oslo Posts: 8069 
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6th Aug 2016 9:01pm |
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| VeeTee Member Since: 06 Mar 2011 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1512 
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Cheers, Vincent
1959 Polynorm 1/4 Ton Trailer, Olive Drab Green (sold) 1970 M416 Military Trailer (Camping Trailer Conversion), Epsom Green (sold) 1975 Series III 88 V6, Light Green (sadly sold) 1996 Defender 110 CSW 300 Tdi, Epsom Green (sold) 2000 Freelander 1 TD4 3-drs, Silver (sold) 2006 Freelander 1 TD4 5-drs Facelift Automatic, Tonga Green (sold) MySite |
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8th Aug 2016 12:46pm |
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| Venomator Member Since: 25 Aug 2014 Location: Peterborough Posts: 2087
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And this does seem to be somewhat topical...
Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the Olympics that they would like to take back: 1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing." 2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother." 3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." 4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious." 5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." 6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces." 7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew." 8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field." 9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . . . Oh my God, what have I just said?” Rog...
The GREEN One... MY2016 Urban Truck Build Thread - http://www.defender2.net/forum/topic40548....al[/color] |
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15th Aug 2016 4:07pm |
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