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Tiger



Member Since: 06 Jul 2012
Location: Wales
Posts: 2265
2004 Defender 110 Td5 CSW Java Black
One for Eric and BPman


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Post #321514 4th Apr 2014 10:59am
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Merlin



Member Since: 30 Oct 2010
Location: Newmarket
Posts: 981
United Kingdom 
Killer, your joke would have been better if you had left off the punch line. Max Miller always said that you should respect the audience, and their intelligence, and they will laugh more. If someone needs it explaining, then it isn't a very good joke. (BTW it's a bit old)

Merlin
Post #321549 4th Apr 2014 2:50pm
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ZeDefender



Member Since: 15 Sep 2011
Location: Munich
Posts: 4731
Germany 2011 Defender 110 Puma 2.4 SW Baltic Blue
I didn't understand it anyway Whistle Tell someone you love them today because life is short.
But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing...
Post #321552 4th Apr 2014 3:04pm
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AndyS



Member Since: 18 Aug 2012
Location: London
Posts: 595
United Kingdom 2011 Defender 110 Puma 2.4 XS CSW Sumatra Black
A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.

The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down.

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"

The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing.
It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick".
Post #326819 28th Apr 2014 8:09pm
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bpman



Member Since: 21 May 2008
Location: Oslo
Posts: 8069
2008 Defender 110 Puma 2.4 SVX Station Wagon Santorini Black
^^ brilliant Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter
Post #326849 28th Apr 2014 9:38pm
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ZeDefender



Member Since: 15 Sep 2011
Location: Munich
Posts: 4731
Germany 2011 Defender 110 Puma 2.4 SW Baltic Blue
Laughing Bow down Tell someone you love them today because life is short.
But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing...
Post #326900 29th Apr 2014 5:10am
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ZeDefender



Member Since: 15 Sep 2011
Location: Munich
Posts: 4731
Germany 2011 Defender 110 Puma 2.4 SW Baltic Blue
I am passing this on because it worked for me today. A doctor on TV said in order to have inner peace in our lives, we should always finish things that we start. Since we all could use more calm in our lives, I looked around in my house to find things I had started and had not finished.

I finished a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a choclutz. Yu has no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all ur frenz who need inner pees. And telum u luvum Thud


(... yes, I know it doesn't make sense but it still made me smile Smile) Tell someone you love them today because life is short.
But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing...
Post #327765 2nd May 2014 9:23am
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Smilesapart



Member Since: 28 Sep 2013
Location: Suffolk
Posts: 735
United Kingdom 
Killer90 I loved that joke - and happy to read more. Read it out at work and everyone thought it was great
Post #327903 2nd May 2014 7:06pm
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custom90



Member Since: 21 Jan 2010
Location: South West, England.
Posts: 20294
United Kingdom 
What do you call a nasty Hedgehog?
Spineless!
Post #345775 17th Jul 2014 10:31am
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Laurie



Member Since: 22 Feb 2008
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 2897
England 2005 Defender 90 Td5 XS CSW Bonatti Grey
A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk.

A man came in and asked the farmer,

"Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?"

The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."

"So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.

"Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."

"Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad."

"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied.

"So what happened then?" the man asked.

The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left."

"And then?"

"Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."

The man laughed and said, "Again?" The farmer replied,

"Some things you just can't explain."

"So, what did you do then?" the man asked.

"I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right."

"And then?"

"Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."

"Hmmm," the man said and nodded his head.

"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer said.

"So, what did you do?" the man asked.

"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter.
In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in ... Some things you just can't explain." 
Post #345789 17th Jul 2014 11:20am
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Muddybigdog



Member Since: 11 Apr 2014
Location: Suffolk
Posts: 1016
United Kingdom 2007 Defender 90 Puma 2.4 XS CSW Zambezi Silver
 Jumped ship to reliability - Mitsubishi L200
Puma 90 XS - Sold
D3 - 2.7 S x2 (both Sold)
Freelander 2 HSE - Sold
Freelander 1 - Sold
Disco 2 - Sold
Post #346711 21st Jul 2014 12:40pm
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spudfan



Member Since: 10 Sep 2007
Location: Co Donegal
Posts: 4646
Ireland 
Q. What did the Buffalo say to her calf when it went to school for the first time?
A. Bison..... Whistle 1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali
2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu
2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai
Post #347553 25th Jul 2014 2:13pm
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bpman



Member Since: 21 May 2008
Location: Oslo
Posts: 8069
2008 Defender 110 Puma 2.4 SVX Station Wagon Santorini Black
Just sold my dyson .... It was only collecting dust Rolling with laughter
Post #353220 23rd Aug 2014 6:37am
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ericvv



Member Since: 02 Jun 2011
Location: Near the Jet d'Eau
Posts: 5816
Switzerland 2009 Defender 110 Puma 2.4 SVX Station Wagon Santorini Black
Tiger wrote:
One for Eric and BPman


Click image to enlarge


Tiger, it is a nice flag indeed.....

Click image to enlarge

But so is yours.... Thumbs Up

Click image to enlarge

But there is also this why Switzerland stands out in quality of life:
http://www.tdg.ch/economie/suisse-serait-p...y/18970570
http://www.lemonde.fr/les-decodeurs/articl...55770.html

And for the English speakers..... Whistle
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-22...-27th.html

Thumbs Up Thumbs Up Thumbs Up
Eric You never actually own a Defender. You merely look after it for the next generation.
http://youtu.be/yVRlSsJwD0o
https://youtu.be/vmPr3oTHndg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GtzTT9Pdl0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABqKPz28e6A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLZ49Jce_n0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvAsz_ilQYU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8tMHiX9lSw
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dxwjPuHIV7I
https://vimeo.com/201482507
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSixqL0iyHw
Post #353226 23rd Aug 2014 7:21am
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ericvv



Member Since: 02 Jun 2011
Location: Near the Jet d'Eau
Posts: 5816
Switzerland 2009 Defender 110 Puma 2.4 SVX Station Wagon Santorini Black
Muddybigdog wrote:


This here will help understanding them....
http://www.defender2.net/forum/topic29427.html You never actually own a Defender. You merely look after it for the next generation.
http://youtu.be/yVRlSsJwD0o
https://youtu.be/vmPr3oTHndg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GtzTT9Pdl0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABqKPz28e6A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLZ49Jce_n0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvAsz_ilQYU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8tMHiX9lSw
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dxwjPuHIV7I
https://vimeo.com/201482507
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSixqL0iyHw
Post #353230 23rd Aug 2014 7:34am
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