 | Home > Off Topic > Best Joke in the World....Ever! |
 
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| K9F Member Since: 12 Nov 2009 Location: Bournemouth Posts: 9610   
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Whilst I was in 'the mob' I used to frequent a Service Forum and this was one of the threads. It did cause much mirth and banter as some of the jokes were rubbish...Nevertheless I'll set the ball rolling and see where it leads....
A woman went to a customer service counter and tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Suddenly, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming, "PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!" The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front a growing crowd of customers. The manager goes to the woman and asks, "Ma'am what's wrong?" She explained the problem with the toaster, and he tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming, "PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!" And doing so draws and even bigger crowd! In shock, the store manager pleads "Ma'am, why are you saying that?" In a huff, the woman says, "BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'm being SCREWED!!" If you go through life with your head in the sand....all people will see is an ar5e!! Treat every day as if it is your last....one day you will be right!! |
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18th Jul 2011 11:45am |
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I'll submit the following...
| K9F Member Since: 12 Nov 2009 Location: Bournemouth Posts: 9610
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A Frenchman walking on the beach in his sandles?
Feleep Follop If you go through life with your head in the sand....all people will see is an ar5e!! Treat every day as if it is your last....one day you will be right!! |
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18th Jul 2011 1:47pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4646 
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How about these gems....
"Quality is a way of life built into every Land Rover,helping to ensure that every vehicle reaches its owner in nothing less than perfect condition." "And every Land Rover dealer knows it back to front" Both of the above are from official Land Rover brochures. And there's more..... 1982 88" 2.25 diesel 1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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18th Jul 2011 6:25pm |
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| DefenderOfTheEarth Member Since: 09 Nov 2010 Location: Cornwall, UK Posts: 1304 
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Seen a Defender ad telling readers of it's "class leading power" (or similar)
Most of my favourite jokes aren't very internet friendly...! Defender 110XS SW gone... now VW California 180 4 Motion. |
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18th Jul 2011 6:30pm |
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| party monkey Member Since: 31 Dec 2010 Location: Oxon. Posts: 1311  
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Oooppss...
Sorry for above.... was a bit strong in hindsight  Jon - 110 td5 [sold]. Currently Defenderless. |
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18th Jul 2011 8:06pm |
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| All Terrain Member Since: 22 May 2011 Location: Poole, Dorset Posts: 92 
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Two Goldfish in a tank, one says to the other "I haven't got a bloody clue how to drive this!"
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18th Jul 2011 8:38pm |
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| noworries4x4 Member Since: 24 Dec 2010 Location: Newton Abbot Devon Posts: 1195
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Two oranges at a bar one says to the other "your round" the other replies"your not so skinny yourself" boom boom If everything is under control you are not going fast enough.
Every Day 16 MY Discovery 4 Commercial Workshop and Escort Vehicle Weekends 07MY L322 TDV8 Vogue SE Series 1 80" 3ltr 6cyl with overdrive No Worries 4X4 |
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18th Jul 2011 8:48pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4646
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Two ladies of the night out walking. One falls and bumps her head. Other lady helps her up and asks-"How's your head?" 1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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18th Jul 2011 10:01pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4646
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Next time time you are just about to pay your bill at the maindealer for servicing your Land Rover, kiss the receptionist and tell them that you always like to be kissed before you get screwed. 1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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18th Jul 2011 10:06pm |
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| K9F Member Since: 12 Nov 2009 Location: Bournemouth Posts: 9610
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...Bloke goes to a Zoo....
....It only had one dog in it...... ...It was a  ........ If you go through life with your head in the sand....all people will see is an ar5e!!
Treat every day as if it is your last....one day you will be right!! |
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18th Jul 2011 11:43pm |
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| NoDo$h Member Since: 18 Aug 2007 Location: Buried in deer guts in Dorset Posts: 972
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I love to pamper my wife after she's had a stressful day at work. I get her to text me when she's leaving so I can get the hot tap running, swirl around the foam and bubbles and time everything perfectly so the moment she walks through the door the dishes are piled up and waiting for her
54 Freelander modded for mud 2008 D3 SE 2010 90 XS SW 1978 88 Series 3 undergoing surgery with a new owner 2007 90 County Truck Cab - gone 2006 D3 SE - gone 2004 Freelander Sport - gay 1999 Disco V8 ES rotted to bits |
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19th Jul 2011 12:36am |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4646
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1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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19th Jul 2011 3:34pm |
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| Lorryman100 Member Since: 01 Oct 2010 Location: Here Posts: 2686 |
I thought the wife would be the ideal candidate for a new TV show. Turns out I got it all wrong and the programme’s called Fact Hunt.
I’m doing a charity gig tomorrow night for people who struggle to achieve orgasm. Don’t worry if you can’t come... Nurses aren't supposed to laugh....... "Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." "Okay then," said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing. Five minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure. "I am so sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen," Fred replied. She ran out of the room. |
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19th Jul 2011 3:56pm |
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| Lorryman100 Member Since: 01 Oct 2010 Location: Here Posts: 2686 |
An Aussie stockman and his wife had just got married and found a nice hotel
For their wedding night. The man approached the front desk and asked for a Room. He said, 'We're on our honeymoon and we need a nice room, with a good strong Bed." The clerk winked, 'You want the 'Bridal'?' The drover reflected on this for a moment and then replied, "Nah, I reckon Not. I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it." |
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19th Jul 2011 3:59pm |
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