 | Home > Off Topic > Best Joke in the World....Ever! |
 
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| Naks Member Since: 27 Jan 2009 Location: Stellenbosch, ZA Posts: 2638   
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An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks What is wrong??
The boy says Me ma is dead Oh bejaysus the man says ‘Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?’ The boy replies ‘No thanks mister, Sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment’. -- 2010 Defender Puma 90 + BAS remap + Alive IC + Slickshift + Ashcroft ATB rear 2015 Range Rover Sport V8 Supercharged 
Defender Puma Workshop Manual: https://bit.ly/2zZ1en9 Discovery 4 Workshop Manual: https://bit.ly/2zXrtKO Range Rover/Sport L320/L322/L494 Workshop Manual: https://bit.ly/2zc58JQ |
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22nd Jul 2011 11:12am |
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| Cannonball Member Since: 19 Jun 2009 Location: Co Laois Posts: 150  
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They're getting better and better!!
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22nd Jul 2011 5:42pm |
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| Lorryman100 Member Since: 01 Oct 2010 Location: Here Posts: 2686 |
Have a read of this on ebay
 And it is well worth reading all the questions and answers 
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?Vie...512wt_1078 |
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22nd Jul 2011 7:24pm |
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| willy eckerslike Member Since: 15 Jun 2009 Location: North yorks Posts: 1789  
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After some deliberation i've decided the wifes favourite position is doggy style.
I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead. Original Member Pie n Pea Club. 110 HCPU Tipper |
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22nd Jul 2011 7:56pm |
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| K9F Member Since: 12 Nov 2009 Location: Bournemouth Posts: 9610 
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I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.
"The moral of this story is:" "Always keep your condoms in your Defender!" And...... An elderly couple go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?" The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finish, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them £50 and he says goodbye. The next week, however, the couple return and ask the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?" The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges £98. The Hilton charges £139. We do it here for £50 and I get £43 back from BUPA!" If you go through life with your head in the sand....all people will see is an ar5e!! Treat every day as if it is your last....one day you will be right!! |
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22nd Jul 2011 8:59pm |
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| party monkey Member Since: 31 Dec 2010 Location: Oxon. Posts: 1311  
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A nymphomanic was wandering around the showground at Billing last weekend....
Being surrounded by so many fine male specimens, she decides she can't contain herself any longer and must seduce the next bloke she sees....... By coincidence, she is right by the 'Slightly Hard of hearing Land Rover Club' stand..... She walks provocatively up to the old boy stood next to his 90, pulls him close and whispers... 'You know what.... I've got an Itchy Pu55y' The old boy replies... 'I'm sure you have love, but this is a Land Rover show, there's none of that Jap 4x4 crap here'. They can't pull the skin of a rice pudding. Jon - 110 td5 [sold]. Currently Defenderless. |
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22nd Jul 2011 9:46pm |
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| JSG Member Since: 12 Jul 2007 Location: Berkshire Posts: 2412
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My new doctor is a young, drop dead gorgeous female. At my first appointment, I was feeling embarrassed but she said to me, "Don't worry. I'm a professional. I've seen it all. Whatever it is, I'll personally check it out for you."
I still still unsure, reluctant to explain the problem, but she insisted, so I told her; "My girlfriend said that my sperm tastes funny." Thought it was a pretty good service considering it was NHS. John http://www.hampshire4x4response.co.uk 2011 Tdci 110 CSW XS |
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23rd Jul 2011 9:37am |
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| RED-DOT Member Since: 29 Jun 2009 Location: stirling Posts: 2363 
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Oh dear this has ground to a halt and depths of desparity? 2008 RS4 gone, 123d M Sport, and a Puma 90 XS..
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24th Jul 2011 12:23am |
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| JSG Member Since: 12 Jul 2007 Location: Berkshire Posts: 2412
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Not yet - no one has posted the joke about D4 Commercials being better than Defenders  John
http://www.hampshire4x4response.co.uk 2011 Tdci 110 CSW XS |
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24th Jul 2011 7:20am |
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| willy eckerslike Member Since: 15 Jun 2009 Location: North yorks Posts: 1789
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I'm pleased there has been no jokes about the train crash in China, I mean it would just be wong Original Member Pie n Pea Club.
110 HCPU Tipper |
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24th Jul 2011 8:09am |
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| DasLandRoverMan Member Since: 24 May 2011 Location: Dumfries & Galloway Posts: 31 
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www.sickipedia.org 1982 Wife
1984 300 Tdi 110 H/T 'Recovery' Plus 4 kids and a dog. Previously owned: 1956 86" Series I, 1960 SWB Series II, 1964 Series IIA Forward Control, 1966 Series IIB Forward Control, 1969 Series IIA Lightweight, 1969 Series IIA One Ton, 1973 Series III One Ton, 1975 101 Forward Control, 1987 V8 90 CSW, 1988 2.5 TD 90, 1988 V8 110 CSW, 1992 200Tdi Defender 90, 1993 V8 Range Rover, 1995 300 Tdi Discovery. |
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24th Jul 2011 8:27am |
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| RED-DOT Member Since: 29 Jun 2009 Location: stirling Posts: 2363
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What's the difference between insulin and saline?
It's not a joke, I really want to know as I start my shift at Stepping Hill hospital in half an hour. 2008 RS4 gone, 123d M Sport, and a Puma 90 XS.. |
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24th Jul 2011 9:27am |
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| sc70 Member Since: 29 Jun 2010 Location: Tregaron Posts: 261  
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A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her
twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a moustache!" A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy ba*tard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair." |
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24th Jul 2011 3:51pm |
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| sc70 Member Since: 29 Jun 2010 Location: Tregaron Posts: 261
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Charles and Camilla
Camilla bought a new pair of shoes for her wedding to Charles, which got increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on. That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, 'Charles, darling, please remove my shoes...... my feet are killing me.' Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigour, but it would not budge. 'Harder!' yelled Camilla. 'Harder?' Charles yelled back, 'I'm trying, darling! But it's just so bloody tight!' 'Come on, Give it all you've got.' she cried. Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed, 'There. Oh, God, that feels so good! 'In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip, 'See? I told you with a face like that, she had to still be a virgin!' Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, 'Oh, God, darling. This one's even tighter!' At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen, 'That's my boy, once a Navy man, always a Navy man.' |
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24th Jul 2011 3:54pm |
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