 | Home > Off Topic > Best Joke in the World....Ever! |
 
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897   
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Should we start a 'Worst joke in the world' thread?
Admin note: this post has had its images recovered from a money grabbing photo hosting site and reinstated  |
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26th Jul 2011 9:21am |
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| K9F Member Since: 12 Nov 2009 Location: Bournemouth Posts: 9610  
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Some of them have already found their way on here I think! Boom boom! (Basil Brush 1967 I recall!) :rolllaugh: Admin note: this post has had its images recovered from a money grabbing photo hosting site and reinstated If you go through life with your head in the sand....all people will see is an ar5e!!
Treat every day as if it is your last....one day you will be right!! |
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26th Jul 2011 2:50pm |
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| noworries4x4 Member Since: 24 Dec 2010 Location: Newton Abbot Devon Posts: 1195
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Ok if we are going down the skool yard route What is Postman Pat going to be called when he retires ?? Pat !! What do you call a blind deer with no eyes ?? No ideer !! What do you call a blind deer with no eyes and no legs ??? Still no ideer !! Oh well time to grow up now i am not 10 anymore honest If everything is under control you are not going fast enough. Every Day 16 MY Discovery 4 Commercial Workshop and Escort Vehicle Weekends 07MY L322 TDV8 Vogue SE Series 1 80" 3ltr 6cyl with overdrive No Worries 4X4 |
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27th Jul 2011 9:26pm |
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| noworries4x4 Member Since: 24 Dec 2010 Location: Newton Abbot Devon Posts: 1195
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I went to a fortune teller last week
she studied my hand and said you've been masturbating I said hey you are good can you tell me anymore about my future ? she looked at my face and said you'll be doing it for a long time  If everything is under control you are not going fast enough.
Every Day 16 MY Discovery 4 Commercial Workshop and Escort Vehicle Weekends 07MY L322 TDV8 Vogue SE Series 1 80" 3ltr 6cyl with overdrive No Worries 4X4 |
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27th Jul 2011 10:11pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4736 
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Everyone needs a hobby.
 1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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27th Jul 2011 10:13pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4736
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Another for the kids department.
Father teddy bear was working on the building site. The foreman comes along and sees Father teddy bear standing doing nothing. "Why are'nt you digging that hole like I told you?" asked the foreman. "Someone stole my pickaxe" replied Father teddy bear. "Don't you know that today is the day that teddy bears have their picks nicked" replied the foreman. 1982 88" 2.25 diesel 1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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27th Jul 2011 10:20pm |
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| rossy Member Since: 29 Nov 2010 Location: Co. Roscommon Posts: 1296 
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silly me
last night I took Tippex by mistake instead of Viagra and woke up with a massive correction ! |
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28th Jul 2011 7:09pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4736
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Many years ago when at college we went for a field trip and stayed in a hostel. Girls in one bedroom, us blokes in the other. During the night one of us blokes went into the girls bedroom with a tube of Superglue or similar stuff. Our hero proceded to make a trail of it on one of the girl's sleeping bag finishing off with a big blob.Naturally enough it soon hardened. Next morning when the girl in question woke up and saw her sleeping bag she was not too happy. Naturally enough she thought it was "something else" left as a present by one of us blokes. She lodged a complaint and the usual suspects were rounded up and "spoken" to. Kinda got lonely waiting in that room for the lecture.... 1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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28th Jul 2011 7:48pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4736
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One day an old dog starts chasing rabbits and, before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a cougar heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old dog thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep crap now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the cougar is about to leap, the old dog exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious cougar! I wonder, if there are any more around here?" Hearing this, the young cougar halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror on his face as he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!," says the cougar, "That was close! That old dog nearly had me!" Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the cougar. So, off he goes. The squirrel soon catches up with the cougar, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the cougar. The young cougar is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and watch what's going to happen to that conniving canine!" Now, the old dog sees the cougar coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old dog says... "Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another cougar!" Moral of this story... Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience. If you don't send this to five 'old' friends right away, there will be five fewer people laughing in the world. Of course, I am in no way insinuating that you are old, just 'youthfully challenged'.You did notice the size of the print, didn't you? 1982 88" 2.25 diesel 1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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29th Jul 2011 11:32am |
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| noworries4x4 Member Since: 24 Dec 2010 Location: Newton Abbot Devon Posts: 1195
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News Flash - Rebbekah Brooks says she is touched by the messages left on Amy Winehouse's phone. If everything is under control you are not going fast enough.
Every Day 16 MY Discovery 4 Commercial Workshop and Escort Vehicle Weekends 07MY L322 TDV8 Vogue SE Series 1 80" 3ltr 6cyl with overdrive No Worries 4X4 |
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29th Jul 2011 5:45pm |
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| Small Clanger Member Since: 22 Jun 2011 Location: UK Posts: 210
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What do you get if you cross Arnold Schwarzenegger with George Formby ????
TURNED OUT NICE AGAIN, MOTHERF#CKER! |
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7th Aug 2011 3:54pm |
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| Merlin Member Since: 30 Oct 2010 Location: Newmarket Posts: 981
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I get annoyed with Lollypop ladies.
They make me cross. Merlin  |
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8th Aug 2011 3:22pm |
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| xatzhs Member Since: 12 Dec 2010 Location: Northumberland & Down South Posts: 258 
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I said to my two-year-old son, "Now, what noise does a cat make?"
"Miaow!" "Good, but do you know what noise a dog makes?" "Woof woof!" "That's right! Now tell me what noise a cow makes?" "David, if you even think about going out to that  pub with your friends then you can forget about ever being let back in this house!"
That's my boy. |
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8th Aug 2011 4:17pm |
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| pom Member Since: 01 Jun 2010 Location: Worcester Posts: 1343 |
In an attempt to end the riots, metropolitan police officers have been issued with new uniform and equipment.
A white sheet, a flaming torch and a noose. |
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9th Aug 2011 3:58pm |
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