Caterham wrote:

gilarion - no need to fix one of them if its only to see if its raining or not. you can stick your hand out of the window and if it looks like your hand has a fever and is sweating profusely then its raining.

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gilarion, very sorry to hear about your skin condition - I don't know what to say. My wife using moisturising lotion after a bath to keep her skin soft - perhaps you could using silicone grease as that's kind of water repellent / waterproof?

Are you cryptically inviting me to cover myself in grease and to share a bath with your wife, if so I must politely refuse as I notice you reside in Birmingham and i do my best to avoid the spaghetti junction thats located there.

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since having my engine 'tweeked' I've noticed a c10% increase in economy and as such I've started to go driving about aimlessly simply to put more miles on the clock as I worked out the more miles I do the more I save and this end I had hoped to establish a minimum number or miles required each week for me to save enough money to be able to retire. I done the maths time and time again and clocking the miles each time I fill up its clear I'm saving money as a result of improved mpg but I seem to have less money and not more which is very perplexing and causing me sleepless nights - not to mention an ever increasing overdraft

Caterham wrote:

gilarion that's absolutely perfect.

would you have any objections to me taking a copy of that and discussing it with my financial adviser?

just one last thing before I arrange a meeting do you have a similar formula for slowing time relative motorway cruising speed which would in theory increase relative economy vs speed. I appreciate this would be effected by the moon position and gravitational pull on tyres however I believe these will be offset against gyroscopic effect of the wheels assuming a constant tyre pressure which would of course be monitored by my mahogany encased barometer.

many thanks in anticipation.

Can't wait to have my meeting, in fact I'm so excited I'm looking into the possibilities of setting up a new business backed by the Prince's trust.

dulwich man wrote:

If you have time could you please add in the percentage variations for height above mean sea level and perhaps give some commentary on the differences and the effects on a retirement fund say if you drink at the Tan Hill Inn ( Highest pub in England ) and say a good boozer in the fens at just below mean sea level.

This will of course be of benefit to "caterham".- Not sure where tangents come in maybe a co-sign

I am not sure if the calculations will apply in Scotland, they seem to do things differently up there

Thank you for supplying me with factors in which to fine tune this formula.

Your details have also raised a serious question. This weekend I travelled on a Derbyshire Land Rover themed ‘Mystery Trip’, provided by the Managing Director and the full board of JLR Load lane. It was a jolly trip made even more interesting when I noted that the MD and board members all had Land Rover luggage stuffed full of twenty pound notes and with passports showing in their top pockets.

The highlight was a barbecue outside the Cat and Fiddle public house in Derbyshire, it looked like the main fuel of the barbecue were company accounts. The whole day went well although I was a little miffed when they all piled into a helicopter with South American livery with their stuffed luggage and left me with the bar bill.

The question however is this while getting inebriated at the Cat and fiddle with Mr J Hicks or as he is more affectingly known, Joe ‘90’, the managing director of JLR, I saw hanging behind the bar a notice which read ‘The Cat and Fiddle Inn’ the-highest inn or public house in England, this of course I know realise was placed there by JLR’s board to confuse me and set any modification of my formula amiss.

I know now that ‘The Tan Hill Inn’, Swaledale in the North Yorkshire Dales is the highest drinking place in England.
Through your information I have tried to contact the MD and board members to complain of this skulduggery in the strongest of terms, however, the secretaries of each have informed me that there bosses did not turn up for work this morning and that their officers have been occupied by Internal revenue men all day.