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| custom90 Member Since: 21 Jan 2010 Location: South West, England. Posts: 20441  
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 $W33T $0U7H3RN $UG4R
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24th Nov 2017 1:46pm |
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| LoveTheMud Member Since: 19 Feb 2015 Location: Weybridge Surrey & Pontefract West Yorkshire Posts: 411 
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I'm going to wade in here and say that you just need to get yourself out there, and have a bit of self belief and fun.
You are totally unique and so you bring something to the party that no one else does or can. A tip... none of us know what that is, and those that think they do, understand themselves even less. If you can go out on a date with a positive mindset, and go to make friends, then that's exactly what you will find. If you go there to treat women like a piece of meat or in any way are negative about them (just wanting a great looking add-on to your life), then that says more about your mental health than theirs! You have to think about the end game, do you want a friend for life who brings both positives (and negatives for balance) to your solo attempt, or do you want the perfect partner who won't stay perfect for long, and then you will realise that the first option is really the right one. If you come across desperate or wanting to find a partner, then quite often you won't find one. That isn't anything to do with who or what you are, but more to do with where you are in your self. Spend some time on you! Go out and enjoy life, join clubs and keep busy in friendly environments, you will find that trying new things will help with demonstrating that you are out to enjoy yourself, and since you start enjoying life, others will want to be around you, and that only leads one place... friendship. Set yourself goals. Everyone sets goals that they can't meet, and then they get disheartened when they don't meet them. That's not a surprise to anyone. So set yourself that same end goal, but put in achievable targets along the way. If you want to lose weight and improve your chances, set your first goal as "Join a gym" and a second goal as "go to the gym twice" and build from there. Add fun things like joining dance classes or even do a course you want to do. All this is about self improvement, and the more improved you are, the more you have to offer. One final thing. It isn't about being the best looking or the fittest person. Its about respect. Respecting them but mainly about respecting you. If you respect you and who you are, you will start to feel more confident in yourself and in your environment. That will only ever work in your favour. The best of luck for it all, life isn't easy, so you might as well try to enjoy it.  |
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25th Nov 2017 12:39pm |
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| Michaelkan Member Since: 19 Dec 2018 Location: Bath Posts: 149 
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You think yours odds finding a better half is low, I’m asian, driving a defender and no where good looking but I managed to find one. So don’t give up. But the keyword here is patience. When u managed to go on a date, take things slowly. Enjoy each other accompany. Don’t mention about future together unless u guys dated more than 6 months. Don’t scare her away. Take her camping or overland expedition with your defender. If she enjoy the time, she’s definitely a keeper. Good luck with your search.
Damn didn’t realised this post is old. Sorry. |
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20th Jan 2019 8:53pm |
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| Slideywindows Member Since: 09 Sep 2016 Location: North Essex Posts: 1283 
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Oh dear!
I kind of wish this thread hadn't been resurrected. This is what I said on this thread in November 2017:
Little did I know that less than 3 months later I would discover my wife had been to a divorce solicitor, and almost a year later (of having to live together  ) this thing is still ongoing.
I said then that "I swore I would never marry again". That decision to go against my better judgement is now about to cost me a fortune! So when I say never again, again - I actually mean it! So I guess it's back to the dating (mating?) game. I wonder if it will be fun. Or not.....? |
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20th Jan 2019 11:11pm |
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| Zagato Site Supporter Member Since: 08 Jan 2011 Location: Billingshurst West Sussex Posts: 5013
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I am realising how fortunate I am, my wife and I have had our moments but we have been together 27 years now... we have been through too many of life's challenges to part, especially now we are on the easier home straight of life (both 53 years old but with teenage kids) where pressures of work and finances have eased.
Out of the group of my biking mates there is only one other guy not divorced from his original wife, others are single who swear to never marry again, most are on their second marriages whilst one guy has just got divorced from his fourth wife  we rib him for that of course  They have all lost fortunes... |
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23rd Jan 2019 3:11pm |
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| OsloBlue Member Since: 14 Jul 2018 Location: Essex Posts: 823 
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Not just the old.
I haven't been on a date in nearly 2 years, just after the end of my last relationship... which ended catastrophically... I did have a relationship after that but that was strange... (shes the one with the D4 these days) I don't really Get out and meet women as i have maybe an hours free time a day and thats it. the women i work with (back office support personnel), Whilst nice and interesting probably aren't worth the risk. I often Toy with the idea of getting out on a dating website, but honestly i don't know what appeals to women these days, i don't use facebook, twitter, snapchat or instagram, which they like men to use so they can show them off. I have an Defender2, Arrse and Linkedin profiles and thats it(which as you can guess are predominately male), i work in a male dominated industry, and most of my mates are either committed or in similar situations. I don't drink much after my year alcohol free. Clubbing doesn't appeal to me even if i could go (i got syndicate Barred after a brawl). I'd Love a dog to get me out but i spend so much time out at work i'd worry about it all day, maybe now my old mans retiring... Could do with some gym time as i'm starting to develop truckers gut, but again, very little time... A lot of girls don't have a lot of appeal either, What do they like to do? Drink and go shopping... Last girlfriend was a manipulative psycho, there are women (mainly ex's who i left on good terms with) who i have feelings for, but have all subsequently found someone else. Most recently One got engaged and i got jealous, something i rarely feel. Last girl i fell for i asked out a year ago but she has a boyfriend, i avoid her like the plague despite running into her. I Just wouldn't know where to start, I can talk but mostly about man stuff, Grumble cars grumble guns grumble which women find uninteresting, My job which i find interesting most people would find a bore. More importantly i have not idea how to explain that i'm loosing my hearing/ already tone deaf, have a past i don't much talk about and my personal issues surrounding that past. How do i explain why i will never get on a bus? Why i don't like flying? why i only sleep 4 or 5 hours a night? Why i squint whenever someone slams a door or something goes bang? Its worrying and off-putting. Beside i aint got no money. I'm on IG: https://www.instagram.com/osloblue42/ Current: TD5 '110 "Lucinda" Thread here: https://www.defender2.net/forum/topic62562.html  |
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23rd Jan 2019 8:35pm |
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| Slideywindows Member Since: 09 Sep 2016 Location: North Essex Posts: 1283
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Oslo, you've got a Defender.
So it's not all bad! Seriously though, don't stress about it, something good will happen. Me? I've decided I'm going to take up yoga! |
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23rd Jan 2019 9:59pm |
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| defender9 Member Since: 12 Mar 2016 Location: Fylde Coast Posts: 1629 
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I agree with the above comment. When after 30 years of marriage my wife died I was at a total loss and threw myself into work travelling abroad as I didn’t like to be on my own in the house. Eventually after 5 years I decided it was time to try to meet someone but like a lot of guys I don’t tend to go to pubs etc so I registered with Match. I had a few on line conversations with a couple of ladies and messaged one who had a nice profile but got no answer, however a couple of weeks later the same lady appeared again and messaged me apologising she had not replied as although she could see people on line she had not at the time registered so could not reply. Long story short we started to meet up found we had a lot in common, her husband Alan had also died five years previously. After two years we decided to buy a house together and we have been together for 7 years in February. I was very lucky in that I was only on Match for around a month before I met Barbara.We are extremely happy and both of our children are extremely happy we got together. I was never sure I would meet anyone again but time heals and life moves on. My point being as Slidey said don’t stress about meeting someone, it will happen eventually.
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24th Jan 2019 11:23am |
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| Procta Member Since: 03 Dec 2016 Location: Sunderland Posts: 5183
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Its not often I get the chance to get out either, My pals are all doing odd shifts sadly, Also its been 5 years now since i have been out with someone. I did meet a lass just before xmas online after messaging and texting for a bit we met up in durham. But nothing came of it sadly. Before then it was nearly 2 years since my last date, so somthings not right here.
I have had messages and i have messaged a few, but i find if they just give you one word replies or nothing much more to go on, then i just bin them off. Due to lack of interest on their part. I wont waste my time in trying to get a convo out someone if they are only just say half interested. I had one message me for well for months, and we exchanged numbers and we did text a for two weeks, I had to give up in the end. She just wasnt interested in meeting up in person and was just after a pen pal. Where i used to work, there were not many people single my age at all sadly, so that was a no go. Where i work now there is a polish woman, who is friendly that i would like to take out, but thats a no go she has a boyfriend. So its online for me still. Trying to weed out decent people is tricky, I find some are very, very picky on how tall a fella has to be! I am a short arse 5 foot 3. I have had three deal breakers, that have said " i wear high heels" which to me makes its an issure for them. From all the lasses i have dated, three could have been keepers, if there was a spark. But hey ho we will still move onwards. Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it! |
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24th Jan 2019 4:21pm |
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| L110CDL Member Since: 31 Oct 2015 Location: Devon Posts: 10782
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As said before, it will happen one day when you least expect it
I am one of the lucky few, like Zagato, this year will be 30 years together and yes we have had our ups and downs. The same money issues regarding raising a family, 2 daughters and running a business can get very demanding. As my job gets me to the different parts of the country i did get to meet a lot of different woman and one job stuck out in particular, we got on so well and 30 years later we are still very much together  1996 Golf Blue 300Tdi 110 Pick up.
Keeper. Clayton. |
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24th Jan 2019 8:35pm |
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| andrewlandy Member Since: 07 Feb 2016 Location: Graz Posts: 82  
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the grass is rarely greener. and you'll be looking over some other fence soon enough. or she will......just a headache. there are plenty of work arounds that i wont mention here.
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24th Jan 2019 8:52pm |
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| andrewlandy Member Since: 07 Feb 2016 Location: Graz Posts: 82
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24th Jan 2019 8:54pm |
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| custom90 Member Since: 21 Jan 2010 Location: South West, England. Posts: 20441
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Procta - If some of them are worried about such a fickle thing as someone's height I would not recommend them anyway.
Don't try too hard, take it easy and be respectful and just be yourself and one day it'll happen. You'd soon know. If someone of course doesn't have any respect and or non interested just walk away, they are not the right one. Definitely avoid materialistic people, chances are they are only looking to upgrade their lifestyle. Not all are bad out there, just make your own informed decision. $W33T $0U7H3RN $UG4R
🇬🇧🏴🏴🏴🇮🇪🇺🇸⛽️🛢️⚙️🧰💪 |
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24th Jan 2019 8:54pm |
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| OsloBlue Member Since: 14 Jul 2018 Location: Essex Posts: 823
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It’s not me that worried it’s my parents.
They worry about me a great deal, I mainly work or work in the defender. My brothers not dissimilar he talks to plenty of girls but does nothing. I have no doubt I’ll get myself on one, it’s just a matter of when. I'm on IG: https://www.instagram.com/osloblue42/ Current: TD5 '110 "Lucinda" Thread here: https://www.defender2.net/forum/topic62562.html |
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25th Jan 2019 2:19pm |
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