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lambert.the.farmer

Member Since: 11 Apr 2012
Location: harrogate
Posts: 2006

What is wrong with society that

I feel the fear at the prospect of going to Bradford to pick up my 10 year old mixed race niece and bring her back to ours on my own? As an adult male in this country if you spend any time at all with a child that you are obviously not directly biologically related to you're viewed as some kind of predatory monster, add to that that if a child decides for any reason to say something to someone you as a man don't have a leg to stand on regardless of the truth of the matter. I know that there's a reason for this, that there are predators out there but why does society make it so difficult to be an uncle? Oh and my solution is to have my wife with me all day which is fine save the fact that she could be doing other more productive things than chaperone me and my niece Rhubarb and custard let fly with their secret weapon.

12th Sep 2014 5:19pm

JWL

Member Since: 26 Oct 2011
Location: Hereford
Posts: 3443

I'm often in a similar type of predicament, my eldest, who's autistic, needs to be prompted/supervised when going to the toilet. It can promote some very strange looks when in a public toilet. If there's no disabled toilet I either have to stand with the door half open giving him encouraging prompts or squeeze in the cubicle with him , which I have to do to clean him anyway. It wasn't too bad when he was a child, now he's taller than me at well over 6' but even with his size he has to be treated like a toddler.
To be honest I've given up on what other people think and just think that they are welcome to my life as a single father with two teenage boys and let them see how they get on. I know how to live my life and I don't need any input from sad minded individuals who need to live their own lives.

12th Sep 2014 6:14pm

lambert.the.farmer

Member Since: 11 Apr 2012
Location: harrogate
Posts: 2006

I can't begin to imagine what that's like and like you say there are people who could do to try walking in the shoes of others before they rush to judge. Rhubarb and custard let fly with their secret weapon.

12th Sep 2014 6:25pm

gilarion

Member Since: 05 Dec 2013
Location: Wales
Posts: 5110

2007 Defender 90 Other CSW Trident Green

Sadly this state of affairs is down to a few males who are deviants and pray on innocent children, plus with several celebrities that have recently been in the media for child sex issues child protection is now forefront in peoples minds which is no bad thing.

I was instrumental a decade ago, along with a Greater Manchester children’s service executive, child protection officers and child psychologists in writing a child protection policy that most schools in the UK now follow, at its core is that all children be believed. Very few children make up stories of abuse but of course a few do that is the nature of things.

I sympathise with all adult males who feel uncomfortable in being with a child that is not related to them due to people’s perception these days, but it is prudent for all adults to be aware. I have dealt with and seen the consequences of as you say ‘predatory males’ and their advances on young children and the damage they do, that believe me lasts a lifetime for the victims.,

I wish this was not the case that some adults feel uncomfortable through people’s perception of male’s accompanying children that are not related to them, unfortunately this is a sign of our times.

12th Sep 2014 6:36pm

scotty38

Member Since: 21 May 2011
Location: Lincolnshire
Posts: 571

2012 Defender 110 Puma 2.2 USW Aintree Green

Re: What is wrong with society that

lambert.the.farmer wrote:
I feel the fear at the prospect of going to Bradford to pick up my 10 year old mixed race niece and bring her back to ours on my own? As an adult male in this country if you spend any time at all with a child that you are obviously not directly biologically related to you're viewed as some kind of predatory monster, add to that that if a child decides for any reason to say something to someone you as a man don't have a leg to stand on regardless of the truth of the matter. I know that there's a reason for this, that there are predators out there but why does society make it so difficult to be an uncle? Oh and my solution is to have my wife with me all day which is fine save the fact that she could be doing other more productive things than chaperone me and my niece

I don't mean to be rude or argumentative but she's your niece ffs. I know what my wife would say if I asked her to chaperone me with mine, she'd think there was something weird going on.... Plus 99% of the population would simply think (if they thought at all) there's a bloke with his daughter/niece/whatever..

12th Sep 2014 6:50pm

lambert.the.farmer

Member Since: 11 Apr 2012
Location: harrogate
Posts: 2006

I think a lot of damage has been done by over exposure of such cases in the media not that there shouldn't be any coverage but that people like me feel somehow criminalized by default can't be right. This is naturally separate to how the actual cases be dealt with by the authorities where due process can be observed and suitable punishment be dispensed. Rhubarb and custard let fly with their secret weapon.

12th Sep 2014 7:04pm

scotty38

Member Since: 21 May 2011
Location: Lincolnshire
Posts: 571

Correct, you shouldn't feel that way. That's sort of what i was trying to say. Consider yourself slapped and get on with it safe in the knowledge that you and what you're doing is perfectly normal.

12th Sep 2014 7:12pm

lambert.the.farmer

Member Since: 11 Apr 2012
Location: harrogate
Posts: 2006

Re: What is wrong with society that

scotty38 wrote:
lambert.the.farmer wrote:
I feel the fear at the prospect of going to Bradford to pick up my 10 year old mixed race niece and bring her back to ours on my own? As an adult male in this country if you spend any time at all with a child that you are obviously not directly biologically related to you're viewed as some kind of predatory monster, add to that that if a child decides for any reason to say something to someone you as a man don't have a leg to stand on regardless of the truth of the matter. I know that there's a reason for this, that there are predators out there but why does society make it so difficult to be an uncle? Oh and my solution is to have my wife with me all day which is fine save the fact that she could be doing other more productive things than chaperone me and my niece

I don't mean to be rude or argumentative but she's your niece ffs. I know what my wife would say if I asked her to chaperone me with mine, she'd think there was something weird going on.... Plus 99% of the population would simply think (if they thought at all) there's a bloke with his daughter/niece/whatever..

I take your point however I have never been comfortable in the presence of children even when I was one part of coming from a small family I guess. So when I married into the extended Bradford tribe it was and still is something of a new experience that goes against a lot of deep seated instincts and as has been suggested better safe than sorry. Rhubarb and custard let fly with their secret weapon.

12th Sep 2014 7:17pm

scotty38

Member Since: 21 May 2011
Location: Lincolnshire
Posts: 571

lambert.the.farmer wrote:
I take your point however I have never been comfortable in the presence of children....

Ah ok, then stay away from the kids weirdo

12th Sep 2014 7:21pm

diesel_jim

Member Since: 13 Oct 2008
Location: hiding
Posts: 6092

I know how you feel Lambert....

There is a female in my family tree. She was raped by a married relation of hers (step-dad).

Ok, the things he did were wrong, no doubt, but, knowing her, the way she is, and the comments that were over heard after the court case, she grossly overexaggerated some of the things that happened, and why they happened (and how she was party to it)

Suffice to say that even now (and she's 21 odd years old now.... the original incident happened 7 or 8 years ago) I won't be alone with her, just because she's so damn spiteful and gobby (typical teenager of todays society I suppose) and I don't trust her to try and manipulate others with her sob stories.

12th Sep 2014 7:24pm

lambert.the.farmer

Member Since: 11 Apr 2012
Location: harrogate
Posts: 2006

As much as I can keep away I do. Cats are where it's at and no mistake. Rhubarb and custard let fly with their secret weapon.

12th Sep 2014 7:26pm

scotty38

Member Since: 21 May 2011
Location: Lincolnshire
Posts: 571

diesel_jim wrote:
I know how you feel Lambert....

There is a female in my family tree. She was raped by a married relation of hers (step-dad).

Ok, the things he did were wrong, no doubt, but, knowing her, the way she is, and the comments that were over heard after the court case, she grossly overexaggerated some of the things that happened, and why they happened (and how she was party to it)

Suffice to say that even now (and she's 21 odd years old now.... the original incident happened 7 or 8 years ago) I won't be alone with her, just because she's so damn spiteful and gobby (typical teenager of todays society I suppose) and I don't trust her to try and manipulate others with her sob stories.

Whilst I can sympathise and appreciate the worries this would bring, this is not a normal situation, surely. This individual has previous (based on your comments) and that has to be taken into account. I understand that you're saying this could happen anywhere, at anytime and with anyone but if we all carry on like that we may as well give up now. No more children sat on Grandpa's knee listening to stories of long ago just in case the worst should happen. We're just perpetuating problems if you ask me.

12th Sep 2014 7:31pm

lambert.the.farmer

Member Since: 11 Apr 2012
Location: harrogate
Posts: 2006

diesel_jim wrote:
I know how you feel Lambert....

There is a female in my family tree. She was raped by a married relation of hers (step-dad).

Ok, the things he did were wrong, no doubt, but, knowing her, the way she is, and the comments that were over heard after the court case, she grossly overexaggerated some of the things that happened, and why they happened (and how she was party to it)

Suffice to say that even now (and she's 21 odd years old now.... the original incident happened 7 or 8 years ago) I won't be alone with her, just because she's so damn spiteful and gobby (typical teenager of todays society I suppose) and I don't trust her to try and manipulate others with her sob stories.

What also worries me is the potential for jealousy on the part of the in laws for what I have and that should the mood be upon them to destroy it for me, all it takes is few well placed vexatious claims of inappropriate behaviour on my part and my game is over. You can see the issues I have been handed down by my parents, my trust is hard to earn. Rhubarb and custard let fly with their secret weapon.

12th Sep 2014 7:42pm

scotty38

Member Since: 21 May 2011
Location: Lincolnshire
Posts: 571

In the nicest possible way, you have problems pal or a weird family

12th Sep 2014 7:45pm

lambert.the.farmer

Member Since: 11 Apr 2012
Location: harrogate
Posts: 2006

Both issues and a weird family. Like my signature says , I'm screwed. Rhubarb and custard let fly with their secret weapon.

12th Sep 2014 7:53pm

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