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fekete

Member Since: 24 Dec 2008
Location: Here on the other end of the computer
Posts: 3626

2007 Defender 90 Puma 2.4 HT Bonatti Grey

Don't Mess with Old People...LOL

Revenue Canada Audits Grandpa

The Revenue Canada decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to

the Revenue Canada office.

The Revenue Canada auditor was not

surprised when Grandpa showed up with his

attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir,

you have an extravagant lifestyle and no

full-time employment, which you explain by

saying that you win money gambling.

I'm not sure the Revenue Canada finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a

moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a

thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and

says, 'It's a bet..'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you

two thousand dollars that I can bite my

other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa

isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures

and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes

he has wagered and lost three grand, with

Grandpa's attorney as a witness.

He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?'

Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand

dollars that I can stand on one side of

your desk, and pee into that wastebasket

on the other side, and never get a drop

anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now,

but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands

beside the desk and unzips his pants, but

although he strains mightily, he can't

make the stream reach the wastebasket on

the other side, so he pretty much urinates

all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy,

realizing that he has just

turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans

and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney.

'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit,

he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars

that he could come in here and

all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

I keep telling you!

Don't Mess with Old People!! NEVER TAKE LIFE SERIOUSLY. NOBODY GETS OUT ALIVE ANYWAY

28th Apr 2010 6:19am

K9F

Member Since: 12 Nov 2009
Location: Bournemouth
Posts: 9610

2008 Defender 90 Puma 2.4 XS CSW Stornoway Grey

Wally's Wedding Night!

At 85 years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old.

Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their wedding
she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that
her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected
'knock' on the door.

Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85
year old groom, ready for action.

They unite as one.

All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and
it's Wally.

Again he is ready for more 'action.'

Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more coupling.

When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond
goodnight and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it..... Wally is
back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready
for more 'action.'

And, once again they enjoy each other.

But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am
thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often.
I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good
once. You are truly a great lover, Wally.'

Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says: .......'You mean I
was here already?'

The moral of the story:

Don't be afraid of getting old, senior
moments have advantages If you go through life with your head in the sand....all people will see is an ar5e!!

Treat every day as if it is your last....one day you will be right!!

28th Apr 2010 6:50am

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