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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4722  
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From my inbox,not politically correct but read on.
I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him 'I wish I had your bloody will power.' I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were not the correct answers. A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry about the wait.' I said 'don't worry fatty, you're bound to lose it eventually. ' I walked past a kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?' I said 'Nope, you’re still black' Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, fat chance with a face like that! A boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks What is wrong?? The boy says “Me ma is dead.” “ Oh jaysus” the man says “Do you want me to call Father O’Riley for you?” The boy replies “No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on me moind at the moment.” Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best! Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such an immense shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed. I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself : right, I’m going to have that. Man in a hot air balloon is lost . He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him “Where am I?” The farmer shouts back ‘You’re in that feckin basket.’ I had a Trivia competition shot to pieces until the last question which I got wrong. The question was: Where do women have the curliest hair? Apparently the answer I should have given was Fiji. 1982 88" 2.25 diesel 1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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20th Oct 2011 6:20pm |
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| ZeDefender Member Since: 15 Sep 2011 Location: Munich Posts: 4731  
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I'm not going to admit to
 myself laughing - political correctness requires I give you one of these:
 ...  ... no, that just slipped out: Tell someone you love them today because life is short.
But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing... |
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20th Oct 2011 8:12pm |
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| bpman Member Since: 21 May 2008 Location: Oslo Posts: 8069 
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one for the jeep owners ...
http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/3xl-fancy-dress-...5007379273 |
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20th Oct 2011 8:13pm |
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| ZeDefender Member Since: 15 Sep 2011 Location: Munich Posts: 4731
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I prefer the one the girl in the ads above is wearing... but each to their own  Tell someone you love them today because life is short.
But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing... |
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20th Oct 2011 8:31pm |
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| JSG Member Since: 12 Jul 2007 Location: Berkshire Posts: 2412  
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I'm slightly worried about what you were looking for when you found that Steve .......  John
http://www.hampshire4x4response.co.uk 2011 Tdci 110 CSW XS |
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20th Oct 2011 9:19pm |
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| bpman Member Since: 21 May 2008 Location: Oslo Posts: 8069
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more worryingly my mate sent me the link |
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20th Oct 2011 9:37pm |
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| iruffell Member Since: 03 Sep 2010 Location: Marlow, Buckinghamshire Posts: 343 
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I was in the restaurant for my lunch today when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to break wind. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me.... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod. Michael Jackson trial latest: Dr Conrad Murray has told the court about Jackson's dramatic weight loss.... "Michael had got so thin that although his pyjama tops were still adult size, he could still squeeze himself into children's bottoms." |
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20th Oct 2011 11:37pm |
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| xatzhs Member Since: 12 Dec 2010 Location: Northumberland & Down South Posts: 258 
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When people with lisps say "Bithneth", you know they mean business...
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21st Oct 2011 2:33pm |
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| farmer giles Member Since: 09 Feb 2011 Location: worcestershire Posts: 1299 
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 Click image to enlarge  |
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21st Oct 2011 3:33pm |
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| ZeDefender Member Since: 15 Sep 2011 Location: Munich Posts: 4731
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er... the ads have changed so please disregard my comment  Tell someone you love them today because life is short.
But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing... |
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21st Oct 2011 3:41pm |
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