 | Home > Off Topic > My daughter has written a book ๐ (A proud Dad moment!) |
 
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| DAZ110 Member Since: 06 Dec 2007 Location: East Sussex Posts: 2040   
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Thanks spudfan and L110CDL for your kind words
LandRoverAnorak, much appreciated.
Cheers custom90sreve, beat wishes to you and yours too. |
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1st Jan 2021 11:17am |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4704 
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The intro to the next novel
"My father owned a Land Rover. It was nothing special but it meant that I saw very little of him when I was growing up. Most evenings and weekends he would spent either in it, on it or under it locating and repairing faults. To my young mind it was almost a Quixotean quest. At least Quixote's windmills existed, I am not too sure about the Land Rover repairs. Occasionally he would have a "Eureka" moment, come rushing in to the kitchen from the garage, dishevled and covered in grease, grime and oil, wiping his hands on a bit of rag that in another existence had once been white but now looked like something that had been used by the SAS to apply camoflage paint to their faces. "I have fixed it" he would yell his face all aglow like a 6 year old opening Christmas presents. "I am going for a drive" he would inform all and sundry as he headed out the door at a pace that would put any Olympic marathon runner to shame. Yes I came to despise that Land Rover with all of my heart and soul..... 1982 88" 2.25 diesel 1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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1st Jan 2021 11:44am |
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| DAZ110 Member Since: 06 Dec 2007 Location: East Sussex Posts: 2040
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Umm, yes, will forward it on to my daughter. Do you want royalties for that ?
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1st Jan 2021 1:20pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4704
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I think the above could be written by the children of any Land Rover owner....me included.
 1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai Last edited by spudfan on 1st Jan 2021 1:58pm. Edited 1 time in total |
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1st Jan 2021 1:28pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4704
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The story continues...โฆ
"I came to the conclusion that the Land Rover had to die. That afternoon, taking advantage of my father's absence, I spoke to my mother about the somewhat unnatural relationship between my father and his Land Rover. I was unsure of the response I would get but it was unexpected to say the least. Thank you, thank you thank you" said my mother. It seems this relationship of my father had been gnawing away at her for sometime. She did her best to hide her worries from myself and my siblings. "I could understand and cope with it if he did the normal thing and had an affair" she said, " but this just violates the laws of nature. I have been struggling with this for years and prayed that you and your brothers and sisters would never find out about it. I was afraid that you would not understand." From that moment on I bonded with my mother like never before. We had a common purpose, namely to deliver my father from this unhealthy relationship and return both my parent's relationship and our family life to something resembling normality. My mother and I both realised that the task ahead was daunting, formidable even, but we were both resolved and agreed that it had to be done, no matter how difficult. Our first objective was to formulate a plan and implement it...." 1982 88" 2.25 diesel 1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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1st Jan 2021 1:46pm |
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| DAZ110 Member Since: 06 Dec 2007 Location: East Sussex Posts: 2040
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Ok, Iโm hooked!
Canโt wait for your next instalment.
Keep it coming. |
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1st Jan 2021 6:15pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4704
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"As my father returned soon after this my mother and I had to suspend our conversation on this matter. In the meantime I thought I would do some research in to the subject. Well to say that I was shocked at what I found would be an understatement. I found out that we were not the only family harbouring this dark secret. Though not unduly common it seems this disease has been known about for decades. The World Health Organisation had even given it a name, namely Land Roveritis and it came in different strains. The main ones were the Land Roveritis 90 strain and the Land Roveritis 110 strain. My father it would appear was suffering from the "110" variant of the disease.
Though as I have said it was not present in the majority of the population, those who succumbed to it carried it in their system for life. There is no known cure. The World Health Organisation was concerned enough to ask governments to insist that car manufacturers be instructed to ensure that cars were to be made as "tinker proof" as possible in the hope it would make cars bland and boring and most importantly to make home servicing impractical. This would hopefully stop any more people getting the disease and spending time away from their families ensconced in the shed forever working on their cars. Various trial treatments had been tried in a bid to cure suffers of this terrible affliction. One was a drastic and brutal "shock treatment". This involved the family taking the keys of the garage or shed from the person suffering from the disease and locking the Land Rover in the shed or garage. Access was denied to the person suffering from the disease. This had some rather unforeseen and unpleasant side effects. Denied access to their vehicle some of the suffers of the disease lost all control. There were stories, isolated enough thank heavens, of men denied access to tinker at their Land Rovers running amok through the streets. Their frustration was vented on any cyclist they came upon. It was not unknown for cyclist to be stalked and thrown from their bicycles whilst stopped at traffic lights. The bicycle was then up ended and stood up right on its saddle and handle bars. The person suffering from this terrible Land Roveritis would then miraculously produce some spanners and a cloth from the bowels of their pockets and proceed to satisfy their lust for dirt, oil and grime by fingering the bicycle chain. Clearly something needed to be done. It appears the government COBRA committee has been meeting in secret to resolve this matter. 1982 88" 2.25 diesel 1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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1st Jan 2021 7:14pm |
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| DAZ110 Member Since: 06 Dec 2007 Location: East Sussex Posts: 2040
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That Land Roveritis sounds pretty bad.
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1st Jan 2021 7:38pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4704
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Later that night I did something that I am ashamed of doing. When my father retired to bed with his Haynes manual in hand for some bedtime reading, I switched on his laptop and searched the browsing history. I know it is an underhand thing to do but I was desperate and felt any avenue that would help to find help for my father was justified. I was shocked beyond words at what I found. It seemed my father was in constant contact with other suffers of this disease. From what I could gather these people along with my father considered themselves as perfectly "normal" human beings. They were unaware that they were suffering from this terrible disease. All of these contacts took place in a dark and unsettling place that I hope no right minded normal person ever stumbles across. It is full of posts seeking advice about fixing Land Rovers, as if such a thing were possible. Other members actually have the misguided temerity to think they know enough to offer advice and "fixes". Surely any sane person knows this is not possible, it is obvious that this Land Roveritis affects the brain. What other excuse could there be?
Up until now I have refrained from mentioning this terrible dark place used by these poor delusional sufferers of the disease. I was afraid that the information could fall in the wrong hands and induce some innocent person to travel along this dark path and become another victim to this terrible Land Roveritis. Having discussed this with my mother she feels it is better that I name this dark place so other families can check for early signs for the onset of this disease by checking the browsing history. If you see your father or even your brother spending inordinate amounts of time ensconced in the shed with their Land Rover or if they have not got one and suddenly announce that they are going to by one this may be the onset of early symptoms. Check their browsing history. "What am I looking for?" you ask. Well if you see visits to a place called "DEFENDER2.NET" you know you have big trouble ahead. This "DEFENDER.NET" is the place all of these poor people who are suffering from this disease go looking for advice on how to fight their Quixotic windmills. It is truly a dark and mysterious place. It will take me sometime to recover from what I found there. I have taken the liberty of forwarding this information onto the COBRA committee and the World Health Organisation in the hope it will aid them in their fight against this terrible disease. Both my mother and I had our eyes opened and we now know what a difficult journey we have ahead of use trying to cure my father of this terrible terrible disease. 1982 88" 2.25 diesel 1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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1st Jan 2021 7:46pm |
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| spudfan Member Since: 10 Sep 2007 Location: Co Donegal Posts: 4704
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I hope Martin has a sense of humour, otherwise this could be my last post...
No harm intended, just a piece of inane fun. 1982 88" 2.25 diesel 1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali 2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu 2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai |
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1st Jan 2021 7:47pm |
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| Martin Site Admin Member Since: 02 Apr 2007 Location: Hook Norton Posts: 6611 
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 1988 90 Td5 NAS soft top
2015 D90 XS SW |
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1st Jan 2021 7:56pm |
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| DAZ110 Member Since: 06 Dec 2007 Location: East Sussex Posts: 2040
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Yeah, innocent and as you say spudfan โinsaneโ fun
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1st Jan 2021 7:59pm |
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