 | Home > Off Topic > Trevor's Egg Business! |
 
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| K9F Member Since: 12 Nov 2009 Location: Bournemouth Posts: 9610   
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Got these two jokes off an old mucker of mine who now lives in Spain...Tickled me so I thought I'd share 'em... Enjoy...
Trevor was in the fertilised egg business. He had several hundred young pullets and about ten roosters, whose job was to fertilise the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so Trevor could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmer's favourite rooster was old Gordon, and a very fine specimen he was too. But on this particular morning Trevor noticed old Gordon's bell hadn't rung at all! Trevor went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to farmer Trevor's amazement, Gordon had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. Trevor was so proud of Gordon; he entered him in the Hertfordshire County Fair and Gordon became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result? The judges not only awarded Gordon the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well. Clearly Gordon was a pullitician in the making: Who else but a pullitician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention. Do you know any Pulliticians called Gordon? If you go through life with your head in the sand....all people will see is an ar5e!! Treat every day as if it is your last....one day you will be right!! Last edited by K9F on 29th Jan 2010 5:20pm. Edited 1 time in total |
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29th Jan 2010 4:21pm |
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| K9F Member Since: 12 Nov 2009 Location: Bournemouth Posts: 9610
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The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
The Scots raised their threat level from "  Off" to "Let's get the " They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line in the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose". Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels . The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case. And in the southern hemisphere... New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is " , I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level. If you go through life with your head in the sand....all people will see is an ar5e!! Treat every day as if it is your last....one day you will be right!! |
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29th Jan 2010 4:26pm |
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| Chunk Member Since: 19 Oct 2009 Location: County Durham Posts: 154 
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Very good!
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29th Jan 2010 4:35pm |
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| fekete Member Since: 24 Dec 2008 Location: Here on the other end of the computer Posts: 3626 
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  NEVER TAKE LIFE SERIOUSLY. NOBODY GETS OUT ALIVE ANYWAY |
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29th Jan 2010 5:43pm |
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| K9F Member Since: 12 Nov 2009 Location: Bournemouth Posts: 9610
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The Swede's wife stepped up to the tee and, as she bent over to place her ball, a gust of wind blew her skirt up and revealed her lack of underwear.
"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?", Ole demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any," she replied. The Swede immediately reached into his pocket and said, "For the sake of decency, here's a $50. Go and buy yourself some underwear." Next, the Irishman's wife bent over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blew up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?" She replied, "I can't afford any on the little money you give me." Patrick reached into his pocket and said, "For the sake of decency, here's a $20. Go out and buy yourself some underwear!" Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bent over. The wind also took her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked. "Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where the friggin hell are yer drawers?" She too explained, 'You dinna give me enough money to be able at affarrd any." The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and said, "Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit.." If you go through life with your head in the sand....all people will see is an ar5e!! Treat every day as if it is your last....one day you will be right!! |
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10th Mar 2010 4:34pm |
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