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| willy eckerslike Member Since: 15 Jun 2009 Location: North yorks Posts: 1789   
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Northerners
Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven , God went missing for six days. Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day resting. He enquired of God, 'Where have you been?' God pointed downwards through the clouds. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, 'What is it?' 'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance.' 'Balance?' inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth. 'For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot, and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people.' God continued, pointing to the different countries. This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.' The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of land and asked, 'What's that?' 'Ah,' said God. That's the North of England, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful people, seven Premiership football teams in the North West alone, and many impressive cities; it is the home of the world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians. The people from the North of England are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth.' Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, 'What about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!' God replied very wisely, 'Wait till you see the bunch of tossers I'm putting down South!’  Original Member Pie n Pea Club.
110 HCPU Tipper |
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23rd Dec 2009 7:12am |
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| AndrewS Member Since: 10 Apr 2007 Location: Hereford Posts: 3708 
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23rd Dec 2009 8:56am |
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| fekete Member Since: 24 Dec 2008 Location: Here on the other end of the computer Posts: 3626 
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 NEVER TAKE LIFE SERIOUSLY. NOBODY GETS OUT ALIVE ANYWAY |
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23rd Dec 2009 9:07am |
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| K9F Member Since: 12 Nov 2009 Location: Bournemouth Posts: 9610 
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What's that faint whiff in the air? I know! Bullsh1t! Funny bullsh1t though! Haven't we partially covered this in another thread??? Taken from the Spoof News Archive;-
The north/south divide: is it a myth, or is there something deeeper going on here that lesser mortals can't quite grasp? Analysts are pretty certain that a rift was formed under the governance of Mrs Thatcher, as she effectively shut down the north of England, and large parts of Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland in order to bring prosperity to the south. According to Mrs Burberry Smythe, of Winchester: "If there indeed is a north/south divide, then the Northerners have brought it upon themselves. I mean, for God's sake, they keep ferrets and whippets, they wear flat caps and they eat pies with mushy peas. It's disgusting. And they don't seem to have developed a love affair with 4x4 vehicles, or Chelsea Tractors, as we affectionately refer to them. Those people ride buses and trains all the time and the only time culture impinges on their miserable existences is when they come to Wembley for the cup final." "Hear hear," chipped in Bunty Axlegrease of Devizes. "They're just the most awful oiks. They're rough and they live in the most appalling conditions. And they supported Arthur Scargill. They deserve all they get." Northerner, Mickey MacWhack of Liverpool countered with: "We gave youse the Industrial revolution. We gave yer the Beatles, the greatest footy teams ever, we gave youse the Pankhursts, and Charles Babbage, who invented the first computer, we gave you Edward Elgar, and Halle. We gave you black puddings, Peter Kay, and Jim Bowen. Cilla and Jimmy Tarbuck. Not to mention Arthur Askey and Ken Dodd. "And Corrie. What did you give us? EastEnders. Thanks a  bunch."
If you go through life with your head in the sand....all people will see is an ar5e!!
Treat every day as if it is your last....one day you will be right!! |
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23rd Dec 2009 9:45am |
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| discocuzzy Member Since: 16 Jul 2008 Location: surrey Posts: 1200 
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You cannot teach stupid people to do clever things |
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23rd Dec 2009 10:48am |
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| willy eckerslike Member Since: 15 Jun 2009 Location: North yorks Posts: 1789
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Beautiful K9f
, just remember everyone's a Northerner to someone  Original Member Pie n Pea Club.
110 HCPU Tipper |
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23rd Dec 2009 11:04am |
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| K9F Member Since: 12 Nov 2009 Location: Bournemouth Posts: 9610
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Not if you live at the South Pole you're not! Have to give my mate a tinkle on the Isle of Wight to say Happy Christmas from the 'South Coast Northern Monkey!' Happy Christmas one and all, including those that live north of Salisbury too! If you go through life with your head in the sand....all people will see is an ar5e!!
Treat every day as if it is your last....one day you will be right!! |
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24th Dec 2009 10:22am |
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